Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, “We have always held to the hope, the belief, the conviction that there is a better life, a better world, beyond the horizon.” You’ve got hope, right? The hope that maybe one day your office will have a ping-pong table, that you’ll get to ride a zipline and get paid for it, that one day you’ll have actual paid vacation days saved up. I believe that kind of world is out there, dear reader, and I’ve spent the better part of a week on Craigslist to direct you to the promised land, at least when it comes to work. Check out these sweet new job listings and do FDR proud, since I’m pretty sure this is exactly what he was referring to when he said all that stuff.
Okay, so you’re into people boning. Possibly to a point where people have called it “excessive,” and “really thorough.” Well, if you’re hoping to turn your passion for passion into a productive and fulfilling career, then the team at the Museum of Sex wants you! The Museum of Sex is currently hiring gallery attendants for their new exhibit, Funland! What is Funland, you might ask? It’s a carnival made of erotic stimuli (you know, sex stuff)! If that sounds like the ideal work environment you’ve been hoping for all these years, then feel free to apply. The position (ha!) requires only minimal previous experience in theater, hospitality or retail. Oh and requires a minimal costume? Again, this is a sex carnival, so dressing up should be the last thing you’re squeamish about. Just remember to win me one of those giant stuffed banana-oh…nevermind.
Do you like science? Not the socially awkward sciences, of course, but the cool ones, the ones that ride skateboards. If that’s the case, or you’re about to correct my hypothesis that sciences can ride skateboards, then you may very well have a new job on your hands: Popular Science is looking to hire an Assistant Editor, and all of our tests are pointing towards it being you (with a roughly 48% chance of error). The Assistant Editor will have to have a love of all things scientific (but you already knew that, you smart cookie, you), as well as 2-3 years of relevant experience writing and producing content about things in a similarly scientific slant. The job would require its fair share of creating and editing content as well as social media managing, and applicants should also be looking to get some possible face time in for video segments (won’t all those robotics students who bullied you for taking that semester of theater be sorry!). So, if you’ve got the brass ball (bearing)s to apply, then godspeed, and remember that Skynet is coming in two years anyways, so enjoy it while you can.
Alright, let’s cut to the chase: this is New York, and the odds are that you dress well. Not just well, impeccably well to the point where tourists from China and Eastern Europe demand to have their picture taken with you. Well, if you’re looking to take your trendiness to the next level, then good news: Ralph Lauren is hiring in a big way. They’ve got several positions being offered, but this Associate Designer for their Home collection looks particularly good. The position involves a lot of knowledge of fabrics, interior design, and current trends, along with, I’m assuming, Meryl Streep constantly yelling at you. A college degree in product/textile design and a few years of experience wouldn’t hurt you either, as well as some serious Photoshop skills, but hey, no one said people can’t be pretty and smart.
How would you consider having the job of “letting people know how cute that one kitten is”? If you almost passed out in a fit of joy for a second there, well, then I have some good news for you. The Dodo, a site built around a love for all things furry (and I guess scaled and feathered, but be honest, mostly furry), is hiring a Commons Editor to help channel millions of people’s love for the animal kingdom. The job would mainly entail (ha!) curating the message boards for the site and picking out the very best of stories (i.e., any animal making friends with any other species of animal) to send out to subscribers. The job post says that they’re looking for someone with previous animal rights experience, and ideally some connections in the animal welfare world, so if you look down right now at a bacon cheeseburger you’ve half-finished, maybe leave this one for the more animal-centric people in the world. Beyond that, they just want someone a little writing and editing experience, so you should definitely consider applying.
If you’re looking for a little extra work this summer, preferably with really cool people and also movie stars, well then you’re not a terribly realistic person, but for the next best thing, you can join on to be a Tech Assistant at Rooftop Films! This organization, which is one of the only reasons outside is even slightly bearable once the temperature breaks 90, is looking for some help assembling and disassembling their pop-up night-time movies in several locations. If you’d consider yourself a movie buff/good person/strapping youth, then get to applying for this job which basically entails a few quick squat lifts, a free movie al fresco, and a paycheck to top it all off.
America’s education is slipping. If you take a look at any of the hundreds of studies done that I have no idea how to cite properly, our children are getting dumber. If you’ve got some marketing skills, though, then it’s you can help reverse that trend as the Marketing Director for Flocabulary. Flocabulary is a new company that runs an online library full of songs, videos and activities for students from K-12 to help them not become such dummies. The position is great for people looking to get into an up-and-coming DUMBO tech firm, and if you’ve got some online skills and only two years of experience, that person could very well be you. So, whether you want to ride a scooter around an office or you actually think that helping small children is pretty neat, then this job ad is definitely required reading.
If you’ve been reading all of these listings and thinking to yourself, “yes, some of these jobs are outside, but none of them are outside enough,” well, then I’ve got you covered. REI, where I’m guessing you spend most of your weekends and all of your income if you’re outdoorsy, is looking for an Instructor for their Outdoor School of Awesomeness. The Outdoor School (the awesomeness part was inferred) teaches everything from Rock Climbing to Road Cycling to Paddleboarding to Outdoor Photography, and if you’ve got some relevant experience, some certifications in any of these categories, and Wilderness First Aid and CPR qualifications, then you’re ready to hit the great outdoors. REI gives some sweet perks too, but nothing as sweet as the sun on your face and the wind in your hair. I mean, it’s no new season of Orange Is The New Black, but I guess it’s alright, ya know, for nature.
Finally, Drama Fever, a website that covers Asian pop culture with a focus on Korean dramas and K-Pop, is looking for an Editorial Assistant to help them cover the K-Pop beat. I don’t think there’s much to add on here, just that if I said “Korean dramas” and you said “Hell yes!” instead of “And what are those?”, then you should probably get to applying on the double, especially since you obviously want to be paid to find the next Gangnam Style.