New gig alert: be a $400/hour ‘play-date consultant’ to rich kids

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WRONG! Jesus, kid, do you want to go to Horace Mann or wind up in P.S. 81? via Flickr user Theodoritsis

If there’s one thing there’s never not money in, it’s taking advantage of the fears that parents have that their kids are going to be left behind. If you can convince parents that by paying you, you’ll make sure their kids turn out normal, you’ll never hurt for work. The newest such gold mine? Be a recreation expert and pull down $400/hour to teach kids how to act on play-dates.

The Post had the scoop on the latest insanity to grip parents of the upper class. Paranoid that their kids won’t get into high-priced private schools (and be stuck in public schools, the horror), parents are turning to people who watch their kids socialize and make sure they share their crayons correctly.

That’s all well and good incredibly, incredibly sad, but we see an opening for Millennials here. Aren’t they often depicted as nothing more than overgrown children, fixated on ridiculous nostalgia and games of their youth like kickball? Who better to teach kids to be kids than the oft-derided “kidult” generation? We say put yourselves out there on Craiglist, or whatever it is rich people use, and undercut these so-called “experts” on child socialization, who probably don’t even know how to play with Batman action figures, much less effectively use Snapchat in a group with their peers, or the right Instagram filter to use for their beach day pictures. You can teach children this and more for $75/hour and all the Fruit Roll-Ups you can eat, right?

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