Hey, remember those people who bought the million-dollar condo in Bed Stuy? And how we called them dummies? Maybe instead of doing that we should have praised them for getting in front of the crest of a wave. The Post is reporting that even outside of real estate fantasylands like Williamsburg, Brooklyn home prices are shooting up like a goddamn rocket to the moon.
If you thought you were safe in places like Bed Stuy or Prospect-Lefferts Gardens, well, think again. According to a story in the Post, home prices there have gone from an average of $385,000 to $431,000, which is good for a twelve percent jump in a year. Who’s to blame for the whole thing? Realtors say that most of the buyers are coming from Manhattan, which will only strengthen our case to enact a policy of total war on borough full of people who think we “gaze longingly and salivate” at it. A lack of new housing stock is also blamed for the price spike, so maybe you can get around it by just buying some land, a few shipping containers and getting creative.
Another thing you can do is get hit by a car and hope the person who hit you stops instead of hit-and-running. After you’ve gone through your painful recovery and physical therapy, there’s a decent payday in suing their insurance company. Just uh, don’t die.