We would rather chop off our hands than see Brooklyn overrun with shitbirds like this for even a day, much less a week

In case you didn’t know, there’s a presidential election in 2016. For president of America. And while ordinarily New Yorkers could just exist in our bubble of smug liberal satisfaction at the fact that we’re not, well, the rest of America, Mayor “Red” Bill de Blasio might pierce that bubble. According to the Brooklyn Paper, he’s trying to attract the DNC and all of its horrible functionaries, hangers-on and political hacks to the Barclays Center. If Barack Obama was ever really gonna cancel the 2016 election, seize our guns and declare himself king, this would be a great time to do it.

Mayor Tall had one of his deputy mayors send a letter to the DNC touting all the ways that Barclays would be great for their stupid nominating convention, like its transit connections, all the surrounding hotels in the area and other fine attractions where people can have fun. And it’s not that any of that isn’t true, it’s just, why would want a bunch of Jonah Ryans descending on our city like a bunch of gangly, self-important creepy locusts?

And they will be Jonahs. If you don’t trust the Times, who reported that he’s the most common DC archetype, take my word for it. As a graduate of American University, I am all too familiar with the people who graduated with me and populate national politics, and they are just the worst. At least drawing the RNC would get a bunch of wacky drug-inhaling protestors in town, the DNC will only draw people who reflect today’s national Democratic Party: people just slightly better than their Republican Party counterparts but who are still slaves to Wall Street money and the military-industrial complex. Doubt me now, but when you get arrested and thrown in Secret Service jail forever after you punch some Clinton intern who looks like this because he tried to follow your girlfriend into the bathroom, you’ll realize what a horrible mistake Mayor Tall has wrought on our city.

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