Those Gowanus kayakers are not wearing hazmat suits, meaning they have no fear of death. Photo via 365 Bond

Gird your loins: beginning tomorrow, an affordable housing lottery is opening for 54 newly constructed units at the massive, neighborhood-changing rental building known as 365 Bond. The lottery will undoubtedly be inundated by enough people to populate a larger-than average American town, but hey, applying won’t take as long as writing that leaving Brooklyn essay, and if you win a unit you’ll be able to actually afford to stay here.

Who needs Manhattan when you can see it from the window of your luxury affordable unit?
Who needs Manhattan when you can see it from the window of your affordable luxury unit? Photo via 365 Bond

While the Gowanus Canal may still be a putrid, reeking Superfund site lined with “black mayonnaise” and brimming with raw sewage,  Lightstone Group, the building’s developer, have found a way to enable building residents to utilize the waterway sans hazmat suit: by harnessing the powers of gentrification, building key-holders are made immune to the filthy waters of the Gowanus and can soundly drink it without contracting the clap. Not really, but 365 Bond renderings do depict a blissful, clear-watered oasis full of kayakers along the shore in what is an obviously unrealistic, utopian vision of a still wildly polluted, fleetingly industrial neighborhood and notorious waterway. For what it’s worth, though, you can kayak on the canal, but it’s an edgy pursuit not for the feint of heart.

It's like looking at a report card, only scarier, because it determines if you're eligible for cheap rent or not
It’s like looking at a report card, only scarier, because it determines if you’re eligible for cheap rent or not

The building’s amenities, however, are luxurious to the point that you’ll be able to overlook the barely moving sea of muck just outside your window. In order of least to most fancy, there are in-unit washers and dryers, a 24-hour attended lobby, on-site resident manager, BBQ grills, bike storage, resident lounge, outdoor deck, outdoor gardens, kids room, yoga room, shuffle board and a pool (for access to the bike storage, grills, pool, lounge, deck, and shuffle board extra fees do apply).

As for rent, there are 20 available studio apartments going for $833 a month to one-person households making between $29,897 and $38,100 a year, 23 one-bedroom units going for $895 a month to one- to two-person households making between $32,057 and $43,500 a year, and 11 two-bedroom units going for $1,082 a month to two- to four-person households making between $38,503 to $54,360 a year.

Plenty of Brooklynites pay $1,000/month or more to live in rooms the size of this bedroom. Photo via 365 Bond
Plenty of Brooklynites pay $1,000/month or more to live in rooms the size of this bedroom. Photo via 365 Bond

As per usual with affordable lotteries, preference will be given to the mobility-, vision- and hearing-disabled as well as Municipal employees and current residents of the neighborhood’s Community Board 6.

Applications must be submitted online or postmarked by May 19.

Deeeeeim. That's bougie. Photo via 365 Bond
Deeeeeim. That’s bougie. Photo via 365 Bond

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