Health Department debuting free magnum condoms for all you big boys

While it can be easy to get STDs around here, the New York City Department of Health does their darndest to make sure you don’t pick up something like electric gonorrhea (the noisy killer) by giving out free condoms pretty much anywhere. Of course, just because you make a condom free doesn’t mean people are gonna use it, so the DOH is appealing to your vanity by introducing a magnum-sized Kyng condom this summer. You can sure as shit bet that high school kids are gonna be all over these.

The normal-sized NYC condoms are getting a remake as well this summer, and because the Health Department has heard your complaints about how the condoms are worse and always break, they’re slapping Lifestyles name on there to emphasize that these are the same as Lifestyle condoms you can pay for. Of course, we don’t know why they’d bother with that, since there isn’t a single guy in New York who’ll take a regular-sized free condom if there’s also a magnum one, since you don’t want the world to think you have a small penis. Or even an average-sized one. Nope, we’re huge, all of us dudes around here, or at least that’s what the story is gonna be when these are officially out this summer. As for where the find the condoms, isn’t it great that there’s an app for that?

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