Look, we all face the point sometimes where we don’t feel so fresh. Like, down in your crotch. It makes sense. You wear tight jeans, you’re walking around all day, things aren’t gonna be smelling like dryer sheets down there. But that’s OK! Or maybe it’s not, at least according to Playtex and Andrew WK, who’s their new pitchman for their ridiculous sex-themed baby wipes for adults, called “Fresh and Sexy.” Should you buy a pack of these for eight dollars? Oh hell no.
Look, we really do like Andrew WK. You wouldn’t necessarily know it, since the last time we crossed paths, we were dumping cold water on the international media fantasy that he was going to be a cultural ambassador to Bahrain. But we do like him.
But now he’s shilling for Playtex, trying to sell you wipes that will allegedly make you feel “fresh and sexy” either before or after sex. We are skeptical, to say the least. For starters, you can always just take a shower. And their ads don’t make the wipes look too appealing either. This commercial implies that making your sleepover guest’s dick lemon-scented is somehow fun and sexy, as opposed to what would probably be the least sexy, most clinical handjob you could get outside of a hospital.
This is a strange, strange celebrity endorsement. Much in the same way that you couldn’t actually imagine Kate Upton eating, much less having an orgasm over, anything from Carl’s Jr., Andrew WK, being the author of “Party ‘Til You Puke” and this tweet:
PARTY TIP: Pee in your pants. It feels so good! Then just shower and put on fresh clothes.
— ANDREW WK (@AndrewWK) March 18, 2010
doesn’t really give off the impression of being fresh or sexy.
Also, these are disposable wipes, which are wasteful. If you’re that worried about “feeling fresh” after banging, just use a towel or washcloth, like people have been doing forever. Or buy a pack of 360 baby wipes from CVS for ten bucks, instead of paying a premium for baby wipes that are being marked up because they’re for sex. OR just appreciate the fact that you got laid last night and when you go out in the world and you hang out in a coffee shop all day and you’re a little gross, revel in it. So don’t let Playtex or Andrew WK make you feel bad about your weird body and smelling like sex after you’ve had sex. Especially since judging by the above photo, Andrew could stand to grab some fresh and sexy laundry detergent.