Cardboard tube fight taking over McCarren, if you’re too frail for backyard wrestling

Everyone’s got Game of Thrones fever, but they don’t have any decent outlet for it. At least if you want to reenact the whole “murder” part of it, which we’re just going to assume is why people watch the show. And while it isn’t close, at all, the Cardboard Tube Fighting League will give you some kind of outlet for your dreams of medieval-ish combat, provided you can get over the preciousness of it all.

If you’re relaxing in McCarren Park next Saturday, September 14, and see a huge collection of people wearing and hitting each other with cardboard, you’re not having an acid flashback. Well, you are if the air around them is rippling. But what you’ll be seeing is the Cardboard Tube Fighting League having a cardboard tube fight, because that’s what people do when they’re bored now. When me and my friends were bored when we were younger we hit each other with metal Chinese checker boards and gave each other DDTs on to chairs, but hey, whatever works for you.

If you go though, keep in mind the official rules say things like “Hitting in the face is frowned upon,” “No stabbing” and “Sign a waiver first.” You guys, this is either fake war or it isn’t fake war. Getting hit in the face with a cardboard tube, even a pretty solid one, isn’t gonna be worse than getting punched. Or even being hitting in the face with a paintball, which is a thing that happens sometimes. Even if you’re bringing a kid to this, kids have to learn one day that like death and taxes, being hit in the face with a cardboard tube is an inexorable fact of life. The sooner you get it out of the way for them, the sooner they can realize life is nothing but a series of painful blows delivered by an uncaring and capricious deity. Also they’ll probably learn to stick to laser tag.

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