‘Broad City’ episode 5: The dangers of friends-with-FOMO

Broad City episode 5, “Hashtag FOMO,” is a cautionary tale about the dangers of FOMO, including friends-with-FOMO. While Fear Of Missing Out may exist all over the world, it’s positively epidemic in New York, where we live in a constant state of trading up, be it in career, love life, digs, friends, even subway commutes. But when you live your life preoccupied by what better option awaits you, you do end up missing out on a lot, just not in the ways you thought.

Even if you don’t personally suffer from FOMO (pray tell, what’s your secret?), chances are someone you’re close to has got it real bad. Well, we’re here with a PSA to warn you, their FOMO can negatively affect you! Like second-hand smoke (second-hand FOMO). And those of you out there with FOMO—keep it to yourself, you’re toxic. In this episode, Ilana’s case of FOMO means nothing but trouble for Abbi. We’ll take you through, revealing the consequences of each FOMO-induced decision so you might learn from Abbi’s and Ilana’s mistakes.

1. Trey’s Party. The girls attend Abbi’s coworker Trey’s party because Abbi sees it as a good opportunity to woman up and tell him she wants to be promoted to trainer. But when they get there, it’s awful: six people sitting around in bicycle spandex, eating Cliff and Luna bars and watching a DVD of Apprentice All Stars.

FOMO: Ilana tells Abbi they’ve got to leave because they’re missing out on Jaime’s party, so Abbi tells Trey she’s not feeling well, has a worm in her stomach and they flee.

Consequence of FOMO: Trey catches Abbi in her lie when he sees the Instagram she posts at Jaime’s party, which doesn’t bode well for her chances at making trainer. Let this be a lesson to all you liars on social media!

2. Jaime’s party: The girls are smoking weed, chattin’; Abbi is for sure having fun.

FOMO: But Ilana says, “This party’s a 7, we could be missing out on a 10.” Abbi: “But what if we leave and we end up at a 6?” Ilana: “I don’t know, we fucking kill ourselves, who cares!”

Consequence of FOMO: Jamie’s wounded expression when the girls dip out without saying goodbye. One woman’s FOMO is another man’s heartache!

3. Lincoln’s party. Totally fun: Lincoln is doing the worm, making his pecs jump; there’s a plate of charcuterie and cornichons; Abbi’s really feeling it on the dance floor…

FOMO: Ilana: “We have to go, this party’s dead.” Abbi: “No, this party is a 10 dude!” Ilana: “I thought so too, but actually it’s an 8.5, look” (gestures to a woman blowing her nose on the couch).

Consequence of FOMO: The supposed “10” roof party is so fabulous, it gets broken up by the cops. Talk about the Myth of Icarus!

4. The last stop of the night. Abbi leads Ilana to an underground speakeasy, where she becomes “Val,” an old-timey singing sensation. She sings “Get Happy,” and captivates the crowd, who apparently have been coming out to see Val for the past three years.

FOMO: Ilana can’t believe she’s only now finding out about Abbi’s alter-ego. “My FOMO’s through the damn roof!” she says. Abbi-as-Val drops the wisdom, “You always worry about missing out on life, you forget to actually live.”

Ultimate Consequence of FOMO:  Abbi bears the brunt of the night’s cumulative FOMO. She blacks out and doesn’t even remember her star turn as Val. The next day she goes to work with a wicked hang-over, only to learn that the new cleaner Maria, who stayed put and schmoozed at Trey’s party, got promoted to trainer. Damn FOMO!

Ilana, who didn’t suffer any real consequences, per usual, will probably never get over her FOMO. Let’s hope she keeps it in check, lest something nasty befall her later in life!

Best lines:

Ilana: “The Narnia of Partias is still out there, and we are going to find it!”

Abbi: “You know that play RENT? I don’t understand how they thought they just didn’t need to pay rent, like at all.” Ilana: “I know, it’s like, it sucks, but everybody has to pay rent.”

When Lincoln unexpectedly hops in a cab and goes home, Ilana says, “It’s a Black Irish goodbye; he always does it.”

Broad City Brokester tip of the week: How to pretend you brought wine to a party. Blow up a plastic bag and hold it closed with a wine cork at the opening. Hold up said bag and say, “I brought wine, I’m just going to open it in the kitchen!” Then pop the bag when no one’s looking; drink the host’s wine.

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