We’ve been talking abut New York’s apartment scene a lot lately, because it’s always fun to do that, but also because it contains so many absurdities. Never is this more apparent than when you’re desperately checking Craigslist to find a sublet that is affordable and not one of those “seeking a quiet foreign non-smoking student” ads. A tipster dropped off something off in our email that she came across while looking for a place. It’s a dream in price and location (Carroll Gardens! $500/month!) but is not-so-much a dream in every other way.
$500 / 800ft² – looking for roommate (cobble hill)I live in a two bedroom apartment. I am looking for a someone to share my room with me, so I can maximize the rest of the space in the apartment. I love to dance, so I plan on clearing the rest of the apartment of furniture and putting most of it in the big bedroom. Then there will be a lot of space to dance with my new roommatein the rest of the apartment (tap, jazz, ballet, hip-hop). So you should be willing to share a bed with me (I have a king sized air mattress, so we won’t be crowding each other). And dance with me.Male or female. I smoke cigarettes, but only in the bedroom so the apartment doesn’t stink. And I have four himalayan cats that I love so so much that live only in the bedroom too. I expect you to be respectful, nice and quiet, a cat lover andabove all a good dancer. I do not have a job, so I will be home almost all of the time. I expect you to pitch in and clean half the time and also cook around half of the meals. I am a vegan on raw veg diet.I will of course usually allow you to invite guests over if you clear it with me ahead of time. I will expect you to keep me posted daily as to developments in your life so we don’t become total strangers. Cats a plus. Smokers OK. Please don’t bring furniture or too much stuff. I have plenty of clothes you can borrow so no need to go overboard.
Tragically, the post has already been flagged for removal, as if this person is too crazy for Craigslist, home of only the finest deals on the internet. So all of you quiet, respectful, vegan, cat-loving dancers will have to keep on searching in vain for bargain housing. Bummer.
[Hat tip our reader, Bonnie, for passing this along]
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So, a regular room in a regular Cobble Hill apartment; ~$1200. Sharing a room with someone? I’ll knock that down to $750. They never leave? $400. Four cats? $300. Smoke? $225. Required socializing? $125.
By my math, this person is profiting about $375/month on this deal.
It sounds like a deal for a cat-crazed dancing machine looking for a boogie buddy!
I was in until I saw she’s a smoker.
The FOUR cats never leave the room? She smokes in the room and rarely leaves? And you get to wear her smokey cat-litter smelling clothes? And sleeping on an air mattress next in same room with cats and litterbox?
Also you need to cook 1/2 of the raw vegan meals (and your own assuming youre not a raw vegan) and clean up her shit as well?
Good luck with that.