Somebody please give this adorable kid detective a case immediately

Photo via DNAInfo.

Photo via DNAInfo.

Some kids try to make money delivering newspapers, but, you know, print media and all; others try to set up a lemonade stand, but the city’s health department is probably a real jerk about that. Nine-year-old Alex Roth Chesin instead decided to start his own detective business out of his parents’ Carroll Gardens home, according to DNAinfo. He went all the way for it with the look: houndstooth fedora, trenchcoat and inquisitive, just-the-facts gaze (as seen above). He charges 25 cents a case but hasn’t had a single customer yet since this sign went up outside his home office. Please, someone give this kid a case to solve immediately.

Alex was inspired to become a detective after reading detective stories and pretending to solve crimes with his grandfather. He charges the same price as famous boy detective Encyclopedia Brown (it would have been funny if he called himself Wikipedia Brown, but I digress), and you would have to cover expenses: “lunch, maybe — like a few dollars for a grilled cheese sandwich,” Alex told DNAinfo.

His parents made the sign for him stating that “no case is too small.” He hasn’t had a client yet and someone needs to go give him a case to make sure his imagination and creativity don’t shrivel into a heartless business school student or something when he grows up.

This isn’t one of those Paw Paw hamburger sad things yet but please, someone find a mystery for him ASAP: lost a shoe in the park? Someone keeps stealing your mail? Keep hearing ghostly barking on the roof of your house every night? Cat gone missing? Someone dumped all your LEGOs into a big mess in the closet? These sound like a cases for kid detective.

know some of you out there probably think this is problematic, already firing up your comments that this kid’s privileged life in a Carroll Gardens brownstone means his parents can fund his detective agency with a shocking low revenue-goal business plan, instead of sending him to work sweeping floors at the Navy Yard. I know some of you want to say that it’s a vanity project for their money, but just stop it, he’s a kid. May we suggest you put him on the case of finding your missing sense of humor. It will only cost you 25 cents.

Read the rest of the story at DNAinfo here. 

2 Comment

  • A kid who pretends to be a detective: cute.
    A kid whose parents commission a professional sign, and hang it outside their newly purchased multi-million dollar brownstone: pretentious
    Don’t encourage this entitlement.

    • Save that for literally the entire pet store industry, thanks. I encourage all titlements that involve making a human child engage with the world outside of a computer screen — specifically the title “Chesin, Chesin, Chesin & Chesin.”