The Trader Joe’s rap anthem you’ve been waiting for is finally here

Look, we have a soft spot for Trader Joe’s around here. You might think of it as just the place to get cheap cereal (if you’re still into that) or dried mangoes, but some of your Brokelyn staff remember it fondly as the cradle of employment that took us in during the height of the recession and gave us insight into what all your dietary patterns are like. So pardon us if we take a moment to enjoy this jam from D.C.-based rapper Abu Rahss who finally has created a rap anthem to sing along to while waiting in what has seemingly turned into a Möbius strip of a line at the Court Street store.

The video, shot in D.C. Trader Joe’s during this year’s blizzard (Winter Storm Jonas), is about “moving work,” aka selling drugs at the store; selling drugs at Trader Joe’s is of course a complete fiction that has never ever happened in the Brooklyn store, especially not right in front of customers’ eyes when the frozen blueberries are being stocked. It has great lyrics like “I trap at Trader Joe’s/free samples in this bitch (that one is from a guest verse by rapper/comedian G Wang).

Abu Rahss is part of the FHTMG collective, which also has a song about selling drugs at Starbucks because why not?

For what it’s worth, new Trader Joe’s are coming to Brooklyn: including one at City Point in Downtown Brooklyn, which doesn’t have an opening date yet, and one in Kip’s Bay, which is slated to open at the end of 2016. By then we hope someone will have given New York our own Trader Joe’s rap anthem. Bonus points if you rhyme “two bells” with “blue balls” or somehow turn the “end of line” sign into a cocaine reference.

Abu Rahss loves Trader Joe's as much as you.

Abu Rahss loves Trader Joe’s as much as you.

H/T Dan Keegan for bringing the song to our attention:

Follow Tim, who probably made you feel bad for not bringing your own damn bags to Trader Joe’s: @timdonnelly.