Best brokester tips for smuggling booze into outdoor events

Beer gut, or gut full of beer?

We’re a little abashed that Jezebel scooped us on the very Brokelyn topic of how to smuggle booze into outdoor concerts. But we also thank them for leaving lots of room for brokester-improved tips. Of course, the city is intent on being a severe buzz kill and “alcohol is prohibited for all special events held in parklands. Alcohol is prohibited at parades. Alcohol is prohibited at block parties, special events and street festivals.” [NY Post] You’ll get a fine and a summons if you get caught.

That said, if there’s one good thing about being broke it’s that it inspires creativity. With the Northside Festival starting this weekend including outdoor shows in McCarren Park, 90s revival concert series in Williamsburg Parkoutdoor filmsoutdoor filmsoutdoor films, and Celebrate Brooklyn events in Prospect and Brooklyn Bridge Parks, we polled Brokeland and discovered various techniques for smuggling party favors into outdoor entertainment venues.

Jezebel included a few tried and tested classics like tape a flask to your leg and hide drugs in your butt crack. They are totally right, having a giant rack is useful in most contraband smuggling situations (both to conceal your stash and distract security personnel). We do know people who would have benefited from the Bic pen suggestion and the Dee-and Dennis-approved sunblock method is a classic.

Here are some tips culled from the tried and tested suggestions your fellow broke-aholics:

Breast Case Scenario: As Jezebel pointed out, girls don’t have to try very hard. Something a bit embarrassing in a bag, like a hand full of condoms or tampons or other sanitary products, will distract and fluster many male security guards so they won’t search very thoroughly. See also, stashing a flask in the back of one’s undies. Sanitary products have also been used to conceal joints, small pipes and other contraband.

An Australian reader suggested Ribena soft packs. “I used to fill two up with vodka and stash them under my boobs inside my bra. They made my tits HUGE and got me drunk!” These are a bit hard to find in the U.S., so try these as an alternative.

Camel Moe: One person copped to filling a Camel Back (backpack with pouch and tube for hiking, climbing, marathon festival-going) with wine or booze, though some places don’t allow filled pouches.

The Drunken Kangaroo: Another suggestion we heard: taking the wine bag out of box and taping to one’s stomach like gross paunchy gut or prego belly. That’s why they make this handy freedom flask or booze belly. For the alcoholic couple try this winning combo: Beer Belly + Wine Rack.

Mudthumping: There’s probably a chance of thunderstorms with all this humidity anyway, so prepare for inclement weather. A flask is probably safe tucked away in a pair of wellies; it’s not the airport, after all. Another reader suggests that small, collapsible umbrellas can hide small carry-ins.

Contact-high: This one was new to us: prying off the cap of a contact solution bottle and refilling with liquor. This may pass for a medical necessity in the event of bag search, and we’re told that the extra salty flavor adds a little zip.

“Baked” Goods: Then there’s the time-honored method of baking pot into cookies or brownies. Another broke-stoner suggests sewing joints into hem of skirt/dress/shirt/hat/whatever.

Sneaky Petes: Some venues allow concert-goers to bring in sealed water bottles. Here’s a weird kid on YouTube demonstrating how to get booze in and keep the seal in tact.

They no longer make flask flops, but that’s probably for the best because, ew. But now there are these instead: Bar-nocularscamera flask, or Shampbooze.

Pour Richard’s Almanac: For day drinking in parks, at street fairs, flea markets, etc., metal water bottles are perfect for a summer Beaujoulais. Also, other coffee cups are good options for daytime imbibing. And soft-pack wine cartons usually go undetected by security guys patting your bag down.

What did we miss? Show us your tips!

6 Comment

  • Also try tearing a slit in the lining your purse or back pack in order to hide things like a flask inside (this is obviously if you don’t really care about damaging the bag). For added effectiveness, put a bunch of junk or other similarly shaped/heavy objects in the bag so a security person is less likely to notice the flask, etc. It works like a charm.

  • also, if you’re bringing in a blanket, wrap your booze inside it. Most places won’t make you shake it out.

  • Trader Joe’s has wine in juice boxes, too. Possibly the only thing cooler than a Capri Sun.

  • If you pack as much stuff in your bag as I do people can never see or check the bottom of it.

  • That video is such a time,waster! You can easily open a boyle, refill, and seal with superglue. Takes seconds, just don’t drink from the bottle (who is going to drink straight vodka anyway!). This worked at Lolla last year….

  • We went to Water Taxi beach one year for 4th of July. The rule was, no liquids other than bottled water. So we brought bottled water, Crystal Light Iced Tea packets hid flasks full of vodka in the small inside zipped pocket of our purses. I call this the “tampon pocket” because guys usually won’t open it, for fear of finding lady products. It was a total success.