Now Hiring in Brooklyn: NBC, Brooklyn Roasting Company, Artsy, and more!

Sure thing boss, but were you Dumb or Dumber? Via The Newsroom Facebook

Sure thing boss, but remind me again: were you Dumb, or Dumber? Via The Newsroom Facebook

Today could be the day your life will change forever. You could be walking down the street when you spot a winning lottery ticket on the ground, or sitting on a subway when a charming, beautiful millionaire falls in love with your tasteful book choices. A senile Richard Branson could name you his heir, then proceed to jump off a hot air balloon with no parachute. Of course, these things could happen, but actually won’t in a billion years, so if you’re looking to change your life, you are probably gonna have to make that change on your own. “That sounds good,” you might be thinking, “but where do I start?” The answer is, of course, maybe lose that office that you hate the smell of and pays you next to nothing to be there, and try one of these awesome new jobs instead! Seriously, she’s a millionaire, what’s she doing on the subway anyways?

First off, we’ve got a job perfect for someone who’s always in the know (so quite possibly, you already know about this job?): NBCUniversal is looking for a Newsroom Coordinator to help them let the masses (or “the stupids”, as they’re called in the industry) know exactly what’s going on in their daily world. While the job is fairly administrative, it is an excellent foot in the door, so when you go to work, you can picture yourself as Alison Pill from the first season of The Newsroom (but, you know, just the first season, no dumb jam bands or anything). The prerequisites for the job include some administrative work in a media office, and a hardcore interest in the news. I’d say make it up and just lie on your resume, but I have a feeling that the fact-checkers here are pretty thorough.

Do you love coffee? Let me rephrase the question, are you currently surfing the internet on a computer that’s had so much coffee spilled on it that it looks like brown tye-dye? If so, perfect, because Brooklyn Roasting Company is currently on the market for a Wholesale Account Rep to help them push their coffee beans all over this great and jittery city. Now, the job involves a lot of getting out there and visiting cafes all over the city, as well as knowing everything there is to know about beans and dealing with customers (fair warning, they will be calling very, very early). Their ideal candidate has some sales skills, as well as some barista training, but as long as you’ve got the pep for the job (and if you want the job, something  tells me you have it), then it can’t hurt to apply.

Before coming to New York, when I imagined people that were blisteringly, supremely, mind-alteringly cool, I was left to picture only Prince and vampires I had seen in movies. Now, however, I know that they are very real, and I’ve got the perfect job for one of them: Artsy, the app/online presence/digital art superpower is looking for a Gallery Liaison to help them keep their cutting edge in the New York art scene. Now, this job is hob-knobbing with gallery owners, rubbing elbows with the art elite, and basically just being really good friends with everybody worth a damn. Your job would be so cool the title could only be in French, for god’s sake. Now, the job requires a little more experience than most of the ones we post up here since they’re looking for about three years spent deep in the trenches of the contemporary art world, but I also know that there a are hundreds of hyper-cool 20-somethings dressed in all-black-and-white that are trying desperately to claw their way into this industry. Well, ladies and  gents, here’s your chance to break through.

This next one goes out to the people who have never met a kitchen appliance they didn’t like; do you own a garlic press and a good garlic press? Do you have at least four different tools used to make one cup of coffee? Do you own a Slap Chop (it’s okay, you can tell us)? If you are gadget-obsessed and looking to turn it into a career, then look no further: The Sweethome, a site blogging about the best of home goods, is looking for a Junior Kitchen Writer to help them on the kitchen-toys beat. The job involves having some previous writing/cooking experience, as well as an obsession with kitchenalia, and while it starts off part-time, if you can prove you know the difference between a lemon juicer and a lime juicer, then they’re promising full-time very quickly.

This one goes out to all of the home design buffs out there: Furnished Quarters, a company for rich people that, um, furnishes their quarters, is looking for a Marketing Assistant to help them rope in more business so they can afford more throw pillows. The company basically provides pre-furnished apartments for business-y people on short-term assignments, and you’d be doing the gruntwork of the marketing team to help fill said apartments with said business-y people. As per the usual, this is a great opportunity to get a foot in the door, and involves a fair amount of office work, however I do believe that their office is going to be considerably more awesome than any other office you’ve worked in before.

Next up, we’ve got a job for those who prefer their lunch meetings to be meetings about lunch (where lunch is still served, of course), and who’s DVR is wall-to-wall Food Network: YC Media, a PR firm who’s clients include several cookbooks, the Food Film Festival, and Jaimie Oliver, is looking for a new Publicity Assistant to help them get more people talking about Jaimie Oliver is single-handedly saving America’s poor, fat children. The job involves a lot of the standard PR rigamarole, including sending out pitches, keeping up to date with all the food rags (no, not the napkins you spilled ketchup on you smart-aleck), and helping the office in any way they need (cleaning up spilled ketchup, mainly). A college degree, a love of food media, and a basic understanding of computers are all you need to apply, so get in today, because right now you can only imagine how tasty those break room snacks are.

Just about every artist loves what they do for a living, while a good chunk of the general population feel the exact opposite way about their jobs. Now, if you happen to be one of those happy artists, and you feel sorry for those “others” who spend their day silently weeping in a cubicle, then here’s your chance to help, because Painting with a Twist is currently looking for Art Teachers to help them run fun art classes for the masses, where you may drink booze from glasses. The classes range from teaching kids to drink-and-draw style parties, but the main focus here is helping these stiffs play Picasso for a night, and getting paid to do so.

Finally, if you work in the social media market or doing any kind of copywriting, and hate having to come into work hungover all the time, I think I have some advice that might help you. What? Stop drinking so much? Are you crazy? No, instead of doing anything rash like that, how about applying to be the Copywriter and Social Media Manager at Rally Labs instead? Rally Labs is the manufacturer of a nifty little thing called Blowfish, a remedy that they promise can get rid of those morning-after hangover blues, so when the office heads out for “an after-work beer”, you know they are really going to tear shit up. The job only requires about a year of experience, and it sounds like they are very flexible as long as you can provide some kick-ass copy, so send in your application and be prepared for the job interview/drinking contest.

One Comment

  • DO NOT WORK FOR BROOKLYN ROASTING COMPANY. Worked there for 3 months. Since I quit – because they are the worst employers EVER – everyone (managers included) who I worked with have also quit. Use that as an indicator of truly awful employers.

    Unfair pay, unrealistic expectations, unorganized management, poor scheduling (one time didn’t get a schedule until midnight the night before), zero empathy for their employees. The owner, Jim, is truly a man that I would describe using some extremely coarse language if he wasn’t the kind of guy who would also file a “defamation” lawsuit any time someone called him what he really is.

    They have no reason to treat their employees well because of the already high turnover rate in New York so just don’t bother.