Hey, remember when you might have had that brief flirtation with feeling bad for your landlord because being a landlord here is supposed to suck? Yeah, fuck that noise, said flirtation is over after getting the news today that North Brooklyn’s average rent is at a record high $3,254/month, a 9.5% jump in the past year. Hey Mayor Tall: Anytime you want to start turning New York into that shithole of crime and despair that Joe Lhota and Glenn Beck told us to look out for would be just fine.
“Uh, excuse me, but averages are imperfect and can be thrown off by the largest figures,” you’re saying as you push your glasses up your nose. Fine, you pedant, how does a 13% jump in Brooklyn’s median rent, from $2,560 to $2,960, in one year sound? Yes, good now you’re crying. Cry along with everyone else.
The news, found in a new market report from Douglas Elliman, is bad in basically every corner of the rental market: One-bedroom, two-bedroom and three-bedroom apartments in North Brooklyn all increased in price, with the median rent for a three-bedroom coming in at a staggeringly stupid $4,450 per month. Which is 27% more expensive than a three-bedroom cost last year, when everyone said “$3500 for a three-bedroom apartment? Wow that’s a lot of money.” Seeing as how rents go up in the summer, we should really have been looking into communism before now, but it’s never too late to decide that Marx was right and take up the struggle against capitalism. Or at least, we hope it isn’t.