Everyone keeps saying the end is upon us. From doomsday preppers to radio preachers to your uncle in Knoxville who mutters ominously about Obama’s Second Inaugural Ceremony, the airwaves and internet memes abound with amateur eschatologists and doomsayers. But forget about those whackjobs. If we’re going to cherry pick any sort of apocalypse to worry over, I’m ignoring the Four Horsemen (hah!) or financial collapse (eh…), and prepping instead for the one favored by comic book writers, oddball college professors, and an ancient civilization that knew a thing or two about a thing or two. The OG doomsday, if you will, 5125 years in the making and just around the corner: I give you Mayan Apocalypse 2012, coming at ya T-minus 2 days and counting. Here are eight places you can go to celebrate life before the world blinks out, provided you’re not stocking up on vegetarian MRE’s and putting together a bug-out bag.
The Cameo Gallery
93 North 6th Street, Williamsburg
The Cameo Gallery has pulled out the stops with not one but two separate events before The End. Surrounded by an installation of truly trippy painted works inspired by the Mayan Calendar from artist David Nathan Allen (exampled above), first up are three psychedelic live acts, Ancient Sky, DJ Voidsong, and It’s Not Night: It’s Space. Then, for a separate cover (but potentially free!) Cameo has brought in local DJ/man-about-town Jacques Renault, to be followed by French sensation Joakim, who hasn’t played his blend of electro-jazz in Brooklyn since last year…and may never again.
261 Driggs Avenue, Greenpoint
If instead of dancing joyously to euro-funk, you’re angry that the coming of bat-god Camazotz has interrupted the composition of your Great American Novel, take it out on strangers who are taking it out on you at the Warsaw, with Fucked Up. The hardcore band with “the most perfect name in rock history” is seemingly ubiquitous in Brooklyn these days, but their shows still rock and often sell out, so hop on it. Also, what better comfort food is there than kielbasa served to you by a gruff Polish lady? A fine last meal, for sure.
The Way Station
683 Washington Avenue, Prospect Heights
You’re born into this world a nerd, you may as well leave it as one. Listen to some “Klezmer Kristmass” from Avi Fox-Rosen, have a couple drinks, and hey, who knows: maybe the bar owners have been saving that TARDIS of theirs for a night when an escape is necessary.
The Cobra Club
6 Wyckoff Avenue, Bushwick
Not content to simply have one catastrophic excuse to get sloshed, Bushwick’s as-yet-only yoga studio/bar came up with two: Mayans, meet Christmas. If you’re not so much concerned with oncoming doom as with oncoming family, distract yourself with $3 Modelos, solid specialty cocktails, and a selection of holiday and apocalypse movies. Ever wonder what it would feel like to drunkenly wipe away the tears as Jimmy Stewart learns that every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings, only to immediately see Mad Max blow away some leathered cannibal-mutants the very next moment? I have. Girls from Venom will be spinning the punk rock to say a hearty “piss off” to the Mayans and all those lumps of coal. And hey, if you’re lucky, doorguy Ron will be dressed as Santa. If you’re less lucky, he’ll dress as The Great Humongous.
House of Yes
342 Maujer Street, East Williamsburg
Well, this will be a party for the ages. Aside from 5 musical acts (including brass punks Stumblebum Brass Band), a midnight champagne toast, a chill out room where you’re warned not to drink the punch and dinosaurs (?), the East Williamsburg art collective is promising an actual wrestling match between Mayan bird god Quetzalcoatl and Father Christmas himself, Santa Claus. Why not go and put down some ridiculous bets? Money will be worthless on December 22nd anyway.
Powerhouse on 8th
1111 8th Avenue, Park Slope
Just in time for the end of the world, beloved DUMBO bookstore with stadium seating Powerhouse Arena opened up a new branch in Park Slope. They’ll be hosting My Apocalypse, in which a bunch of authors taunt the coming apocalypse by not only not believing, but talking about how they’d rather see it go down.
The Paper Box
17 Meadow Street, East Williamsburg
OK, so technically this one is on Thursday, but if you have one last shot to see Japanther do their whole Japanther thing (fuzzed ou, fast furious punk sang through payphone mics), you should really take it. So you’ll spend the last day on Earth hungover. It’ll be worth it.
484 Union Avenue, Williamsburg
Of course, if you want to laugh away the crumbling Earth, why not check out comedy variety show The Moon’s fourth season/world finale? Since the actual moon may come crashing into the Earth, you should show it you’re on the right side anyway.