03/12/14 3:07pm
If you want to get your hands on David Sandlin's Train of Heartache, bidding starts at just $50. You can afford that! Courtesy of Booklyn

If you want to get your hands on David Sandlin’s Train of Heartache, bidding starts at just $50. You can afford that! Courtesy of Booklyn

It’s always nice to have something pretty hanging on the otherwise bare walls of your apartment, but you figure that art is too expensive for some schmuck like you who isn’t pulling down big bucks. But luckily, it doesn’t have to be this way! On Friday, March 14, non-profit artists’ book hub Booklyn (who we last saw surviving the 24-hour zine challenge), hosts their annual “Better Read Than Dead” art auction, inviting you to bid on art that starts as low as $50. (more…)

01/23/14 11:02am
curated craigslist

Just think of how much time you’d have to waste just to find this bar cart. Which you clearly need

We all love (hate) Craigslist, and all the wonderful things it did to make classified listings more responsive and the way it helped destroy disrupt the newspaper and alt-weekly industries. The problem with it is that there’s a lot of crap on Craigslist that you’ve gotta wade through to get to the good stuff people are selling. But now someone else will do that for you on their website Curated Craigslist. How else will you waste time at the office now? We suggest taking up online gambling! (more…)

01/15/14 8:00am
Also see: TEETHERS IV: Revenge of the Unborn

Also see: TEETHERS IV: Revenge of the Unborn. Photos by Madelyn Owens.

Now that we’ve already figured out how to score the best deals at the Brooklyn’s first Whole Foods in Gowanus, we figured it was time to dig through the store’s more superfluous offerings. We crisscrossed the aisles to find the most embarrassingly nuovo-Brooklyn items that will leave no doubt your shopping cart has been through the trenches of the borough’s modern grocery fare. Behold the most absurd, over-the-top and downright perplexing products we could find in this paradoxically urbanized box store and join the chorus of “why???” (more…)

01/03/14 4:04pm
brokelyn tattoos

Happy customers. Photo via Mikee Kwasnik

It’s 2014 guys. It’s time for the year that will make a permanent mark on your life. Not with something like marriage or kids or home ownership, which all end in failure disappointment and disaster respectively, but with a tattoo. For better or worse, you’ve got one of those until you die! And then it’s still there! Where to go get one though? If you’ll allow some tattooed bloggers to make the recommendation to you, we say go see Mikee Kwasnik at New York Hardcore Tattoo (127 Stanton Street). (more…)

12/23/13 11:18am
santa claus new york

“Excuse me there miss, come here often?”

Well, here we are: another Christmas just about in the books and you’re calmly wrapping the last of your gifts. Oh wait, what’s that? You haven’t done ANY Christmas shopping? You know it’s in two days, right? You know everyone will hate you if you don’t get them gifts, right? Well aren’t you lucky then that you’ve got a great resource right here, the complete 25 Gifts Under $25 Brokelyn Gift Guide, for 2013. It’s got something for everyone in your life, from books to orgasms, fondue pots to Night Vale merchandise. And when your gift recipients are thrilled beyond thrills to unwrap your present, you don’t have to thank us, we just like helping. Although sending us some Christmas booze would be nice… (more…)

12/20/13 4:32pm

GoldieBlox_ParadeFloat_HiRes

Being a girl shouldn’t mean being relegated to playing with just Barbies and E-Z Bake Ovens. Don’t get us wrong, those things are great, and you can really eat the E-Z bake food. But if you don’t expose a young girl to the idea she can build stuff just like boys can, twenty years down the line, some idiot neckbeard is still going to be talking about how women just aren’t cut out for math and science and engineering. So nip that stupid trope in the bud by buying your niece or daughter (LOL, who among you even has kids?) Goldie Blox from the Brooklyn Robot Foundry.

Goldie Blox is a toy predicated on the idea that young girl will absolutely build shit if you give them a toy where that’s an option. To keep them interested, the building comes attached to a story, which in the case of the parade float, involves building a parade float for a princess pageant. Then they build the parade float, and from the looks of it, the set can also be constructed in other way. Your daughter could make a pretend neckbeard death ray out of the set, for instance, because it’s never too early to teach a young girl the joys of misandry. Goldie Blox and the Parade Float, $19.99 at the Brooklyn Robot Foundry (303 3rd Avenue, Gowanus)

12/20/13 11:36am

Orgasm-in-a-box-His

Everyone loves orgasms, on this, we think we can all agree. It’s the reason we’re all out trawling bars or Tinder or Grindr or getting help from subway matchmaking people: so you can find someone to give you an orgasm. Problem is, sometimes you can’t find someone else to give you an orgasm (rude). Fortunately for you, the sex-positive folks at Babeland don’t think you should go without one, so they’ve put together a twenty dollar orgasm in a box, one each for dudes and ladies.

The Orgasm in a Box, for him comes with a Tenga Egg penis sleeve, which apparently you put over your johnson when you’re smacking it around, some lube, and a vibrating cock ring which will both delay coming and rub against your partner’s clit if you’re not just playing single player. The Orgasm in a Box for her comes with a Silver Bullet vibrator (batteries included) and a Bunny Tickler attachment, with which one provides slow, rhythmic stimulation to the clitoris. You might not end up having the Christmas you want, but with a gift like this, at least a few minutes of your Christmas will feel good. Orgasm in a Box (for him or for her), $20 from Babeland (462 Bergen Street, Park Slope) or online

12/19/13 4:46pm

Historical-Heartthrobs

History! It’s soooo boring, what with all the names and things that happened in black and white. But, you need to know it, or you’ll just keep repeating it over and over. You also might have a younger relative who needs to know it or they’ll repeat a grade over and over. History is easier to learn when you’re combining it with sex, or at least that’s the theory behind Historical Heartthrobs, the book by our own Kelly Murphy that’s available to pre-order right now.

Going over fifty hunky and sexy historical dudes and ladies, from Cleopatra to Wild Bill Hickock, W.E.B. DuBois to Dorothy Parker, Historical Heartthrobs gives you the lowdown on what made these figures from the past important, but also what made them sexy as hell, including them each getting a section called “The Story of His/Her Sex Life.” If you can’t be bothered with history lessons delivered like that, you should be doomed to repeat it. Historical Heartthrobs, $17.99, available from Zest Books

12/19/13 3:07pm

block by block print

Brooklyn is old. We’re talking Brooklyn is old it sat next to Jesus in the third grade. Brooklyn is so old it was crankily telling Thomas Edison to turn down his dang phonograph racket. Of course, most of us don’t see Brooklyn’s age as a liability, we see it as fascinating evidence in favor of Brooklyn’s awesomeness. Clearly we weren’t alone, the folks at longform local journalism site BKLYNR thought so as well, which is why they made that awesome map showing the age of each building in Brooklyn.

That map was so popular that they’ve turned it into an 18″ x 24″ print that you can put up on your wall. Find your block on there and see how old it is. Or drunkenly take a date home and make fun of him for living on a newer block than you. Well, don’t do that actually. Also! The $24 poster comes with a complimentary three-month subscription to BKLYNR so that you can stay hyper-informed on some great longform reads. Brooklyn Block by Block print, $24, from Etsy

12/19/13 8:51am

hawkeye-vs-sandy

Superheroes usually have problems we couldn’t possibly understand, which we guess comes with the territory when you can lift a building for a morning workout. Not Clint Barton though, better known as Hawkeye. Clint might be an Avenger and the greatest archer in the universe, but he’s still just a schlub living in Bed-Stuy who wants to hang out with his neighbor and his dog. Or at least, that’s what his story is now. The new version of Hawkeye, as imagined by Matt Fraction and David Aja, takes place in our humble borough, but instead of dealing with megalomaniacs who destroy rows of brownstones, Clint deals with more mundane villains like a local gang of hoods, and in one issue, Hurricane Sandy.

Hawkeye Volume 2 is worth it for that issue alone, one that sees Clint rescue his neighbor’s father from a flooding Rockaway, and his co-star in the comics ride out her Sandy experience on the Jersey Shore. It’s a rare instance of a superhero being basically as helpless as we all were, but it never becomes treacly or overemotional. Beyond that, the whole comic pops with 60s-inspried art and onomatopoeia for the action. You’ll never be a superhero, but you’ll have plenty of days where you feel like Clint Barton Hawkeye Volume 2: Little Hits, $16.99, buy it at your local indie bookstore