02/27/15 4:13pm
How can a millennial possibly choose?

How can a millennial possibly choose?

Who’s going to capture the millennial vote in the 2016 presidential race? It’s a question that will surely be on the minds of political reporters and harried campaign staff wondering why they got into this stupid game in the first place. Despite the race being almost a year away, we’ve got our first millennial-pandering swag shots fired from PACs representing the two presumed frontrunners in the race,with a Jeb Bush flask from Millennials for Jeb and Ready for Hillary mason jars Hillary Clinton. Still, when voting with your dollars, what are you, the millennial voter, going to be swayed by more? (more…)

02/27/15 10:05am
These outfits will look even better on you

These outfits will look even better on you

As we’re sure you know, humanity is currently having a complete meltdown over the color of a blue and black dress. We’ve been taking meticulous notes to explain it all to our grandchildren when they eventually interview us for some 2nd grade project about their heroes, but we’ve also gotten to wondering where we can find a fancy chameleon outfit like this for ourselves. After all, there’s a pretty big thaw a comin’ and we can’t keep wearing this strategic blanket pile much longer. We’re ready to look shiny for spring, like we showered more than three times this week. Looking fancy, as with most goods and services though, costs money we don’t really have. That’s why we’re super excited about Housing Works’ Best of Spring event, since you not only get to dress like the aristocrats you should have been at a steep discount, you also get to feel like a good person. (more…)

02/19/15 12:06pm

All this and more, allegedly for $800

We don’t need to tell you about how Brooklyn’s real estate market is a nightmare, but if you’d like a refresher course you can learn all about it here, here and here. One way to cut the tension we all feel about oh god where are we going to live is to make some jokes, but one Craigslister has taken it too far by luring desperate apartment seekers with an ad for an $800 bedroom in a new Williamsburg luxury building. If the ad is real, we hope you’re ready to live with someone who describes himself as an “Artist/Entrepreneur/Healer, currently working on my new startup. Cleanliness, Sexiness, Awesomeness, Fitness.” (more…)

02/12/15 10:08am
It's time to get back on your bike

It’s time to get back on your bike

We know, we know, you’re looking at that headline and saying “Spring? The hell you mean spring? Ain’t you seen it’s snowing outside?” First, stop talking like a Teamster, it’s embarassing. Second, while there were some flurries this morning, the sun is out for more time each day, baseball players are in Port St. Lucie in the best shape of their lives and spring is definitely coming. If you’ve been one of those people who’ve been riding in the winter anyway, your bike might need a little love and a good gunk-scraping. No need to do it yourself, not when our pals at Ride Brooklyn have your bike, with a limited number of tune-up discounts for you. (more…)

02/10/15 2:59pm
pyt burger

This, everyday? Sure, why not. via Facebook

How much do you love hamburgers? Not as a concept, we’re sure you love them plenty conceptually. We mean more along the lines of “Do you love hamburgers so much you could literally eat them every single day?” You better start thinking of the answer to that question now, because Groupon has laid an opportunity at your feet to do just that, with an offer that gets you burgers every day for a year at Philadelphia’s soon-to-be-imported PYT Burger for the low, low price of $144. That’s less than a $1/day for burgers, but on the other hand, good lord that’s a lot of hamburgers. (more…)

02/10/15 9:23am

saks 5th avenue brooklyn perfume

Brooklyn hasn’t always been the in-demand hot spot it is today. Now, not only does everyone from Hillary Clinton to J. Crew want in, but the name itself has become a brand. In the vein of “put a bird on it,” if you put “a Brooklyn on it,” retailers figure that merchandise will fly off the shelves. Barneys, Saks Fifth Avenue, Etsy; no matter if it’s a handmade merchant or high-end retailer, we were able to find bizarre or exorbitantly priced (sometimes both) Brooklyn-branded items like a $700 python-skin Nets hat or a $200 Brooklyn Bridge onesie that literally looks like shit, that will make the perfect anti-Valentine’s Day gift. Buy your sweetheart any of these and you can almost ensure a hasty break-up. (more…)

02/09/15 10:15am
magic cobra tattoo

Feeling lucky? The artists at Magic Cobra hope you are

Check out our updated list for offers happening on Friday the 13th in March 2015

One of Brokelyn’s favorite holidays is just around the corner – Friday the 13th. You didn’t think we were talking about Valentine’s Day did you? Instead of spending your hard earned cash on oversized teddy bears and imported roses, start your couple’s weekend early with matching black cat tattoos on your asses. Or you can go solo and indulge yourself with a quirky design. Check out one of these seven tattoo shops for a tattoo that you can actually afford. (more…)

01/23/15 10:22am

All that practice will pay off in the reward you really want: BOOZE. via Facebook

Hey sports fans, tired of disappointing New York sports in your life? You wouldn’t be if you liked hockey, but fine, we get it, you just won’t get on that Rangers bandwagon. There’s another place you can get sporting satisfaction though, at least if you have some skillz, because Brewskee-Ball is back for another skeeson at the Full Circle Bar. And while there’s obviously a lot of pride on the line every time you roll, this time there’s something just as important at stake: booze booze booze. (more…)

kings theatre

See it in real life, not just in pictures. via Kings Theatre Flickr

If you’ve been drooling over pictures of how nice the Kings Theatre looks after its $94-million restoration, you might also be someone who’s chomping at the bit to get inside and see what it looks like. Well, we’ve got good news for you, because you’ll be able to do that and do it for free. Ditmas Park Corner reports that the Church Avenue BID will hook you up with free tickets to see a preview performance at the theatre this Tuesday. All you’ve gotta do is send an email and then put on something warm, because you’re gonna be standing on line. (more…)

Sorry, no plastic cookies this time

Sorry, no plastic cookies this time

If you pay any attention to the valuable lessons Michelle Obama and Cookie Monster have taught us, you know fruit and vegetables are somehow important. We hear produce helps you fight off diseases and make your plate more colorful and Instagram-worthy, so we’re for it. There’s just one issue: fruit’s kind of expensive. Luckily, there’s a stockpile of “8 to 10 boxes” of free plastic food available outside the offices at 20 Jay Street in DUMBO for anyone who wants some fake fruit, vegetables, and bread. (more…)