Artisanal pencil sharpener David Rees: defiant to the end

Yesterday, the Atlantic posted 2012′s most infuriating words and while the list is hilarious, we want to know: who’s actually using the words? Team Brokelyn won’t play into your lexicographical trends! We’re superior to pleb words like “curvy” and “disrupt.” And don’t get us started on “artisanal.” DON’T GET US STARTED! We called for its eradication back in May. (more…)

World ends, not with bang, but whimper [Business Insider]
Where to wassail this Friday [Park Slope Stoop]
Tim’s Christmas tree porn [NY Post]
It’s about damn time. R train resumes full service by Friday [Village Voice]
Hurricane Sandy has its own flu [Daily News]
Dick’s Sporting Goods stops selling rifles [Mediaite]
History buffs: what’s your take on Lincoln? [Film Drunk]
Come on, Instagram [Boing Boing]
Three types of bacteria exist in belly buttons because u nasty! [The Atlantic]
Finally, there’s a gender-neutral Easy Bake Oven [Grub Street]
Betcha didn’t know those drunk Santas were fundraising [DNA]

Because you only help out for the pizza, right? Just kidding. We know you’re better than that. Right? Um, that was weird. Anyway, today through Thursday, Roberta’s will be collecting new, unwrapped toys in its Tiki Bar for the Rockaway community. With every toy you bring, you can get a glass of wine or draft beer AND a pizza roll for just $6. Heyoo! Roberta’s legendary pizza for cheap. Cue Homer Simpson mouth watering.

You’re in a real pickle. You’re feeling the holiday gift-giving pressure because you only have a few days left to buy for your boyfriend’s aunt, mother, and step brother-in-law. What do you do, hotshot? What do you do? Chill out Keanu Reeves.(Where does a name like that come from, anyway? Japan?) Fab.com is having a pickle sale! If you’re a connoisseur of Brooklyn’s artisanal pickles, then you know McClure’s products are just bawse. They’re spicy, briney, and were the pioneers of the homemade pickle industry, back when consumers only had Vlassic and Claussen to choose from. Can you imagine?! This gift set includes three jars–garlic dill spears, spicy spears and Bloody Mary mix. McClure’s products retail for about $10 per jar, or more, at Whole Foods, so $22 for all three is quite the deal. $22 for trio at Fab.com.

Hey girl, hey (image via LA Times)

Well here’s some bad news/good news. The bad news? A spike in crime against women in North Brooklyn. The good news: The Brooklyn Bike Patrol, a volunteer organization that accompanies women home still exists and are more than ready to help. We’e previously covered the bike patrol here, and obviously it would be WAY better if there was no need for this bunch of mensches, but as long as people are attacking women, it’s good they’re here. (more…)

Good news for gonj: DA candidate says he’ll decriminalize weed [Animal]
Hey idiots: we don’t say that word anymore [Deadspin]
The saddest: Newtown funerals begin [NY Mag]
Brooklyn church launches gun buyback program [NY Times]
The only interesting Met gets traded to the Blue Jays [NBC]
Get cramped Nets tickets for cheap [Dealery]
Lumineers frontman used to bartend at Surf Bar. Of course he did. [NY Post]
Sandy be damned: Red Hook Lobster Pound expands anyway [NY Times]
Overworked fast food employees rally for better pay [Gothamist]
Indiana Jones mystery package finally arrives [University of Chicago]
Stay with us here: this year’s Sundanciest Sundance films [Filmdrunk]

Meet your valedictorian

College costs what, like $50,000 a year right now? Want to know the best way to blow $200k over the course of four years? Major in social media.  (more…)

As far as mythical  somehow real sea creatures are concerned, the Narwhal is in the most badass. Any animal with a giant spear coming out of it’s head is obviously awesome. Which is why you might want to use said unicorn whale as your brand mascot for, say, a delicious microbrew. The Brooklyn Paper reports a controversy brewing in the seas of beer. Narwhal Brewery, which is in the process of setting up shop in Bushwick, claims that Sierra Nevada stole its brand name for their Narwhal Imperial Stout. Sounds fishy… (more…)

Gellete dreams big: get this girl some Ugg boots!

Get ready to tear up. Brooklyn’s Catholic Charities is collecting Christmas gifts for school kids in Red Hook affected by Hurricane Sandy. Here are some of the letters from 13 children. They’re asking for things like some kids are asking for Uggs and Hello Kitty merch, but some are asking for skinny jeans and paint sets, so we have some future Williamsburg residents in the mix obviously.

If you’d like to help out this holiday season, info is after the jump.

(more…)

Limited-edition posters, designed by Meghan Doherty, will be available for sale. A portion of the proceeds will benefit Hurricane Sandy relief.

The Skint’s Winterland Romp is this Saturday at Littlefield and features jazz band The Hot Sardines. Tickets are normally $15 in advance and $18 at the door, but today you can get discounted tickets for $10. The event will feature musical acts, burlesque and a free photo booth from Brokelyn’s own Sarah Bibi.