10/03/16 1:30pm
Gilmore Girls Cafe

That look of ennui $1 extra — via Youtube user Libby Ran

Get ready to go back to Stars Hollow: In anticipation of the upcoming Gilmore Girls revival, Netflix is launching themed popup ‘Luke’s Coffee’ cafés around the country later this week.

As Eater reports, this Wednesday morning, around 250 cafes will turn into replicas of Luke’s Diner, the restaurant owned by Scott Patterson’s character in the show. Some states are getting but one Gilmore cafe (suck it, Maine), but us, we’re getting three in Brooklyn alone! Even if you don’t care about Gilmore Girls, all of the cafés are giving away free coffee all morning, so just go and pretend you know what everyone is talking about. (more…)

09/29/16 11:28am
"A joke about bacon" — via The Takedowns

Go ham on some ham — via The Takedowns

It’s been a rough couple of years for bacon — the W.H.O. classified everyone’s favorite meat as a Group 1 carcinogen, folks started getting more into pork belly, and bacon apologists like the Brooklyn Bacon Takedown quietly took a leave of absence. Well cheer up, bacon-lovers, because our favorite competitive eaters, the Takedowns, are bringing their great AYCE bacon cook-off back to Brooklyn.

And what are you gonna do, NOT eat all the bacon they make? Yeah, right.

After years away, the amateur cooking competition/all-you-can-eat extravaganza Brooklyn Bacon Takedown is coming back to town. On October 23 from 2-4pm, it’s $20 for all the bacon you can fit in your face at Arrogant Swine (173 Morgan Ave.) in Bushwick. Sounds like a “how much bacon can you eat in two hours” challenge if we’ve ever heard one. And all we can say is, challenge accepted. (more…)

09/28/16 2:00pm
Deliver us from evil — via Seamless

Deliver us from evil — via Seamless

Step aside, Nate Silver! There’s a new authority on presidential polls in town: Seamless.

The food delivery giant ran its own poll during the presidential debate Monday night to see whether lazy, hungry millenials prefer Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump. Or, at least, to see whose supporters were lazier, hungrier and more likely to order Seamless on a Monday night.

Customers were given a discount on the night of the debate using competing coupon codes “IMWITHHER” and “IMWITHHIM,” and it should be no great surprise which code was more popular in New York, at least amongst people who understand how to order food on the Internet. And who better to predict the future of our country than the No. 1 service of New York’s softest millennials?

It looks like Trump was right to fear “cyber,” evidently, as Seamless’ poll results were a landslide for Hillary, to the tune of 82% to 18%. Looks like those 400 lb. hackers are ordering in with a vengeance. (more…)

09/28/16 1:00pm
Taking it to the streets — via Flickr user Gord McKenna

Taking it to the streets — via Flickr user Gord McKenna

Street names are underused form of public salute. Every once in a while we change one to celebrate a former mayor or something, but for the most part we’re stuck with boring old numbers and letters.

Coney Island hot dog tycoons Nathan and Ida Handwerker got their own street earlier this summer. Bensonhurst Bean reports that the neighborhood is renaming several more streets after its local heroes over the next few weeks. But why should hot dog celebrities and war heroes get to have all the recognition? They already have that other stuff.  Here’s a list of 10 underrated Brooklynites and honorary locals that we’d like to see given their own street names. (more…)

09/27/16 4:27pm
A very disgusting thing somebody did — via @StandUpVirgin

A disgusting thing someone did — via @StandUpVirgin

Well, that’s one way to avoid the G train. Passersby in South Brooklyn spotted a man paddle boarding on the Gowanus Canal this week. That’s right, as in standing on a flat board with no shoes on in the notoriously disgusting Gowanus Canal, splashing water around with no protection against falling in.

In case you’re unfamiliar, the canal has all the diseasesno dolphins (R.I.P. Dolph Fun-dgren) and, if you’ve ever walked around the neighborhood after a rain, smells like sewage. But that didn’t stop one brave soul from Brooklyn by the name of Gary Francis from pursuing his dream of splashing garbage water all over himself for the sake of some political statement.

“Paddling the Gowanus Canal is beautiful & offers a great look at the underbelly of Brooklyn,” wrote Francis on his Instagram selfie, “as well as being prime protected water for training. I’ve seen ducks, geese, cormorants, big fish, little fish, crabs & herons, it is very much alive.” (more…)

09/27/16 2:42pm
Back to the good old days! via Wikipedia

Back to the good old days! via Wikipedia

We knew it was hiking up our rent, we knew it was hurting the community, but AirBnB rentals might also be super illegal. Like, Depression-era levels of illegal.

As DNAInfo reports, two New York state senators and a senate nominee just released a scathing investigation into everyone’s favorite bad guy Airbnb, entitled “Tourist Tenements in the Making.” The investigation looks into the practice of cramming way, way too many people into a rental that’s clearly only meant for a few bodies. So, if you’re looking for that classic old New York feel, maybe Airbnb is your ticket back to the Roaring Aughts. (more…)

09/26/16 3:30pm
They're coming for our books - via Flickr user Jans Canon

They’re coming for our books – via Flickr user Jans Canon

Suck it, monkeys: Pigeons can read now, apparently. As Popular Science reported last week, our feathered frenemies may actually be able to comprehend, or at least recognize, written language. A new study from the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences found that pigeons, with some training, were able to recognize 26 to 58 words, which is just a few steps away from being able to read books (and, presumably, eventually killing us all).

Rather than run in fear, we here at Brokelyn have decided to welcome our rat-bird overlords with a little reading guide. These guys mostly live in New York City, after all, so once they get the grasp of a few more words they’re bound to be hanging around the Strand and going to readings with the rest of us. Here are the ten books any self-respecting pigeon in the city needs in order to stay relevant. (more…)

09/23/16 4:28pm
Helping you know where not to die - via CarsInBikeLanes.NYC

Helping you know where not to die – via CarsInBikeLanes.NYC

Biking in New York isn’t all beach days, Prospect Park loops and Goonies screenings. It can also be incredibly frustrating, not to mention life threatening. Despite the city’s Vision Zero initiative and its promise of safer streets for everyone, drivers still seem to think it’s totally acceptable to double-park in bike lanes (even the DIY ones) and as a cyclist there’s little recourse besides swearing.

Well now, thanks to CarsInBikeLanes.NYC, bikers finally have an outlet to air their rage and, hopefully, eventually, enact change. As Gothamist reports, the interactive map allows cyclists to report cars in bike lanes, in an effort to alert other riders, collect information on violations and, maybe most importantly, to vent. (more…)

06/20/16 1:52pm
How to spend every single moment of the day — and night — outdoors on the cheap this summer

Show the sun how much you truly appreciate it by never leaving it. Via Flickr user gigiwannaflickr.

This is it, the moment we’ve all been waiting for: The first day of summer. That magical time of year when all pants end at the knee, all drinks include coconut and you finally get to spend some time outside. All winter you’ve been staying inside for your movies, music and alcohol like a rube! Well not anymore — summer means barbecues, lawn games, outdoor concerts, long bike rides and of course these strict guidelines for fun. Now normally people just do one of those, maybe two if they’re a true innovator and then retreat indoors, but why? If you’re like me that’s just not enough to quench that summer thirst, summer’s short, your AC isn’t strong enough and you need to spend as much time outside as humanly possible before the next snowstorm.

Well, we’ve laid out the ultimate guide to making the most of your summer, soaking up the optimum sun and staying outside for fun all day long, and all night long too. That’s right, you’re an adult now, nobody can scare you with threats of sun damage and if you want to stay outdoors for maximum summer without breaking the bank, here’s how:  (more…)

05/24/16 11:00am
The struggling Brooklynite's guide to turning your entire life into a performance art piece

Listen, mom, I’m an artist now, okay?

The life of a broke millennial is not particularly glamorous. Maybe you’ve got some service industry job to support your pipe dreams, maybe you just graduated and you’re working some internship that will never pay you, or maybe you work for a start-up and just spend a disproportionate amount of money on rent, bar tabs and Takis. You’re on a track, but from the outside looking in, your life isn’t particularly impressive and your parents are starting to ask questions about what’s “next” for you.

So what do you do? How do you bide your time, appease your family and fend off criticism to continue freely living the life of a Brooklyn 20-something? The answer is simple: Become a performance artist. Or, rather, retroactively declare yourself a performance artist. Ashamed of your choices? Well maybe those aren’t your genuine choices, maybe they’re your artistic choices. Are you undateable or is your singlehood a statement on the illusion of love and society’s need to fill a Freudian void? That’s up to you.

Celebrities have already been doing it for years. Shia LaBeouf rented out a whole movie theater to suggest that his so-so career was an act; Adam Sandler regularly just films his vacations and calls them cinema; Joaquin Phoenix got to try rap without looking dumb! To get you started on your personal rebranding campaign, we’ve got a few sample projects and accompanying customizable placards so that even the philistines know what’s up. (more…)