I recently took my first trip to the Barclays Center to see my new neighborhood team, the Brooklyn Nets, play my hometown team, the Boston Celtics. It took less than a quarter for me to realize that a.) I can’t afford to be a Nets fan and b.) I’m too tall to be one, anyway.
Thanks to the Boston Celtics being a draw, price gouging ticket vendors acted accordingly, and charged me $45 for a $30 ticket, that was really worth $15. What does a $45 ticket get you at a Nets game? An obstructed view in Section 221, of an already terrible view, in an uncomfortable seat with no leg, elbow or fat room. Section 221 was designed for pre-teen Chinese gymnasts. The lack of walkways and cramped seating, give the section a cozy claustrophobic, buried alive feeling. If you get stuck in the middle of the row, simply curl up in a ball and scream for help.
Poor Man’s Tip: To subvert price gouging ticket vendors for sold out games like Celtics/Nets or Heat/Nets, watch the first half from a bar and buy tickets from desperate scalpers at halftime. Classic drunk fan move.
Food concessions throughout the arena are above and beyond most professional sports venues. Thirty-seven local vendors including Calexico, Fatty Cue and Blue Marble, offer a variety of real tasty shit. You’ll enjoy the food, but it will cost nearly twice as much as it would on the street.
Poor Man’s Tip: If you’re gonna want a snack, do like you do at the movie theater and hit the bodega for some Skittles and Combos beforehand.
The claustrophobic rows make beverage schlepping a treacherous venture. If you’re brave enough to tight-rope a tray of unfortunately priced $9.50 Coors Lights, try not cascade down the near vertical upper deck steps.
Poor Man’s Tip: If you don’t want to pay $40 to get a solid buzz, duct tape a plastic flask of Jameson to your inner thigh. They WILL search you with metal detectors, but keep a cool head and you’ll be fine.
Overall Game Experience
Outside of the bad view and inflated prices, I received an incessant ear-drilling by Hot 97/bodega hits from megaton speakers, ten feet from my head. I felt like I was trapped in the trunk of a 17 year-old’s tricked out Toyota Corolla. The unrelenting soundtrack to my suicide, accompanied a Chuck-E-Cheese brand of ADHD pandering, Jumbotron dance offs, Ellen Pompeo sightings, t-shirt gun volleys and Jay-Z sound bites. So yeah, I had a terrible time.
Tickets: $45 gets you a bad seat to a good game.
Food: $10 for crappy Nathan’s Hot Dog and soggy fries, $10 for soggy veggie burger and fries from Brooklyn Burger
Drink: $10.50 for tall Bud Light
Total cost for an overall bad experience: $76