You can just put ‘hipster’ in front of anything now and call it a business

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Ironic sexy costume costs $200 extra. Disaffection and slouching come free though

Got a great business idea? Wel, get in line, this is America, land of people who think they have great business ideas. Still, if you’re going to press on with your dream, you have to make sure you’re branded correctly. Something cool, something that the kids will like, with their Coachellas and Frank Oceans and Skrillex. But what’s a shorthand way of getting across that you’re cool and fun without actually trying to come up with a real idea? Well, you could do what Hipstermaid did and just put “hipster” in front of your name and call it a day. Yeah, why don’t you just do that?

What? No, no, not Hipster Mermaid, which is also a thing because of course it is. Hipstermaid is the cleaning service that uh, will clean your apartment, um, ironically maybe? Who the hell knows. The important thing is that you’re clearly running out of time to start your brand new business with “Hipster” in front of whatever it is you do. Hipster dog walker? Whoops, sorry, someone’s already beat you to that URL. An app just named Hipster? Nope, someone already did that and crashed and burned in their attempt to do so. Hipster Jesus? Oooh, too slow, the Catholic Church is working on aggressive new branding opportunities, sorry!

The good news? You can still start the Hipster Brewing Company, Hipsterlawyer, Hipster Shoe Shine and the Hipster Oh God I’m Putting a Gun In My Mouth if People Actually Do These. Good luck, hipster business man!

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