Your continued survival depends on your getting nutrients into your body, often delivered by way of food. Food, sadly, costs money, which is typically legally obtained by working at a job. But where to find these jobs? How about Whole Foods? The froofy grocery chain is going to need people to work in its Gowanus location, or it’ll be this weird empty ghost town with nothing on the shelves, so to that end, they’re hiring. So you get to hang out with bread all day and you still get a 401K with it. Not a bad gig.
If you hate bread, or are allergic to it, don’t worry, there are plenty of other jobs at the Gowanus store, including ones in the meat, beer and flower departments. They also need cashiers. And if you want to become a Punderdome champion, like our own Tim Donnelly or Conal Darcy, there’s no better way to train than by spending hour upon mind-numbing hour bagging groceries, getting so bored you turn everything into puns.
What are the benefits for working at Whole Foods aside from possible micro-fame in Brooklyn? They offer healthcare for employees, including a dental plan, the aforementioned 401K, paid time off and a 20% discount on all purchases at the store. So, it’s basically like working at a Trader Joe’s except that no one will wear a Hawaiian shirt and your big boss is ultimately a weird California libertarian instead of a faceless German conglomerate.
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finally! a way to monetize all those skills i’ve been giving away for free at the Co-Op!
Fact Check: This is to confirm that Forest “Tim Donnelly” Wittyker and Conal “Well He Quipped” Darcy were Punderdome Champs.