Going out in Brooklyn can get pretty expensive after a while, and sometimes your bank account needs you to stay in bed with Netflix for a bit instead. But now, you no longer have to live with shame and deep-rooted Fear Of Missing Out when you and your roommate’s cat spend the night watching American Horror Story instead of doling out for whiskey shots at a bar with, you know, other humans.
A new, free app called CouchCachet is designed to check in on Foursquare, tweet, and do all sorts of social media-ey things for you when you spend the night in to trick your friends into believing you’re out raging. (Without them. What a terrible friend you are.)
To get the ball rolling on this new, awesome, totally fraudulent night you’re about to have, all you have to do is sign into the app and choose from a bunch of scenarios like “Artsy Fartsy”, “New In Town” and “Gone Diving”. CouchCachet will then search for some cool event in your ‘hood, check you in on Foursquare and post Instagram photos of all those pretty strangers you’re supposedly having the best night ever with. It can also tweet “all the right lyrics from the right indie rock bands” and “wax poetic about that perfect local, organic, microbrew that everyone’s drinking,” which is something all the cool kids are doing these days. No word yet on whether or not it’ll make things seem really authentic by drunk-texting your ex-boyfriend and tweeting misspelled sad thoughts at 2am, but these are probably kinks they’ll work out over time.
Of course, CouchCachet weaves a pretty tangled web of lies, and leaves us with some questions. Like, did all our friends really go to that Local Natives concert last night? What about those Super Bowl party Instagram pics? Can I trust that Foursquare check-in? IS ANYTHING EVEN REAL ANYMORE?
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Jeez, are people really that insecure? SAD!
I love the idea of undermining the value of FourSquare checkins.
This is the saddest, most pathetic invention of the social media generation that is intended to make sad lonely pathetic losers look not sad lonely and pathetic losers to their Internet “friends.” I give up.