If you are currently on this website, then we can deduce three things about you: First of all, you have excellent taste and probably very stunning facial features, second, that you live in Brooklyn or nearby, and third, that you are not overly rich. To help out with the money problem, since you’ve already got the location and arrestingly good looks covered, have you considered getting a sweet, kick-ass job that would turn your life into the physical form of an epic guitar solo? No? Well check out these awesome jobs and see if you start to hear any music.
Quick, what’s your favorite hockey team? If you, in fact, knew the name of any hockey team, or really just have an interest in sports, perhaps you’d like to work in the very building where they’re illustrated. That’s right, Sports Illustrated is looking for a Sales Planner to help them with advertising and clients, so if you’ve got a few years experience in web sales and never tire of sports metaphors applied to business, get on the field and slam dunk a touchdown! I don’t know sports.
If you think you really know your way around a camera and the fundamental question of “What is Art?”, then perhaps you might be interested to hear that the MoMA is hiring a Video Producer! The job requires taking videos from start to finish and a fair amount of technical knowledge, but if your current job is doing video editing of Real Housewives of the Arctic Reunion Bitchfight, then maybe you might be interested in doing something with a bit more artistic merit.
Do you know how to design? Would you call yourself a “rock star” of Creative Suite? If so, Rolling Stone would like to talk to you. They are currently hiring for a Visual Designer to help them try to photoshop Bieber’s smug fucking smile off his face for next week’s cover, and I assume for other purposes. They’re looking for someone with a bit of experience, and, ideally, some knowledge of After Effects on top of the typical Photoshop, Illustrator, and InDesign, so if that sounds like you, then roll on over.
How would you describe a community of people? If you went with “an easily manipulated mass of sheeple to be controlled”, well, then, that’s worrying, but the right attitude for that of a Community Relationship Manager, which AirBnB desperately needs. That’s right, the favorite tool of orgy-holders and squatters and I’m sure nice people would like to hire you to manage their community, and on top of a nice salary the benefits sound plenty comfy. Expect a nice travel stipend, some excellent recommendations of where to go, and some nice people to rent your room to while you’re gone.
This guy is hitting up craigslist to find a highly skilled painter for objects, and I’m just going to guess that the objects are rope and weird monkey sculptures. If you’ve got an artistic gift, some experience with an airbrush, and ideally some special effects experience (is…is it okay to fake that? Isn’t that what special effects people do?), then feel free to apply for what looks like a pretty sweet “in” to the fancy art world.
If you happen to think that knitting isn’t just for little old ladies, or you are, in fact, a little old lady, then you might be exactly who this children’s clothing company is looking for. They need somebody to head up their knitwear design section, so if picturing tiny adorable children in warm sweaters is your bag, then step on up. They’re looking for someone familiar with the process of turning a pile of yarn to something you can wear, as well as someone who knows their way around Photoshop and Illustrator, so ideally you’ve got enough computer skills to back up what your needles are laying down.
Habla Espanol? Quieres una cerveza? If “Si”, then perhaps you’d like to convince other people to drink a beer as well! Union Beer is hiring for a bilingual Beer Sales Representative to roam Brooklyn and convince people that, yes, it is indeed Miller Time. The job only requires a college degree plus a car, and the benefits probably include turning your whole life into a sweet kegger.
Finally, a “prominent military website” is looking for a full-time blogger to let their readers know what, exactly, is blowing up today. The gig starts off as a one-month trial that pays $3,000, but if there’s anything that the military industrial complex has taught us, it’s that the salaries are generally pretty hefty. Veterans are also welcome, considering they’ve probably seen most of the aforementioned thing blowing up first-hand.
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