Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas Brokelyn! And, I guess, shalom? Anyways, I come bearing gifts of gainful employment! So, because it is the time of year for going broke buying your “loved ones” “material goods”, going to awful office parties instead of this one, and ringing in the New Year with that same ol’ dusty job you’ve been kicking around all 2014, I think you might need a new job. Ideally, one that has a Christmas vacation, because, hey, you’re smart enough to game the system like that. Without further ado, have some jobs and happy whatever!
First off: The Dodo, a news site dedicated to all things furry and feathered (fish are awful), is looking for a Trends Writer to, and I’m not kidding here, write trend pieces based on the latest animal news. That’s right people, you GET PAID TO FIND THE NEXT GRUMPY CAT! Watch cat videos all day and frolic with what I can only assume are the hundreds of office puppies. Some light writing experience is required, but beyond that all you really need is a passion for telling people about how freakin’ awesome animals are (except, of course, for fish.)
Next up, we’ve got kind of a personal question: How do you smell? Bad? Really bad? Are you looking for a place to work where no one will complain of your awful funk? Well then today is your lucky, smelly, stinking day! Mother-In-Law’s Kimchi, Brooklyn darling and producer of the best fermented cabbage this side of Seoul are looking to take on an Operations Manager to join their charming little family. The position involves wearing a few different hats, including a chef’s toque and whatever social media people wear (I want to say berets?), and would need a distinct love of that funky Korean delicacy.
A lot of people complain about the stress of of the marketing and PR world, and how there is absolutely no way at all ever to get around that harsh truth. Here with a way around that is Susan Ciminelli I See Beauty Clinic, a spa looking for their own PR/Marketing Spa Coordinator, aka the opposite of a stressful job. While the job does involve doing a bit of everything, from social media to greeting clients to marketing projects, at the end of the day it pays in manicures and oh, yeah, sweet hard cash. Just try to manage your magical new extending list of friends carefully.
If you’re smart to an insane and slightly annoying level (and if you are, people have probably let you know), then you’re probably already smart enough to know that your dream job is opening up, so I suppose i don’t need to be telling you after all? For everyone looking to catch up, Mental Floss, the magazine devoted to making your dinner party conversation more interesting and your references more obscure, is hiring on a Features Editor to say smart things at smart people, which is just like my job?
You ever look at a flower shop and think, “Nope, all wrong,” and then proceed to make everything look beautiful? Well, you should cut that out, that flower shop guy keeps complaining about it to me, and I’m just looking to buy gum. To focus your beautifying and arranging energy in a more constructive way, take this new job as a Floral and Event Designer/Administrative Assistant at Westchester Floral. The job does involve a commute, but also involves a myriad of other tasks that an A-type person who loves having absolute control of organizing everything would kill for. So, if art of flower arranging is a true goal in your life, go for the job! Seriously, Abdul at the cornershop really wants you to apply.
Forgive me if I make a crass assumption here, but for those of you out there with art degrees, maybe you need a chance at some employment? You do? No judgement here, man, just some sweet-ass gigs. Even though you’re totally paying your way through life with your mural skills, maybe you’d be interested in this new opening as an Office Manager in a sweet-ass artist’s studio. While this is no walk-on position, the responsibilities and power that come along with the gig are pretty awesome. Knowledge of a bunch of a different programs is preferred, so any technical knowledge you got is going to give you a boost on this one.
Do you like eating at restaurants? Do you like waiting? What, you do?! Waiting? That’s weird, you’re weird. When you stop being weird, feel free to apply to this Content Manager position at Reserve, a start-up looking to get into the restaurant reservations game. This position involves a lot of blogposts, editing, and knowing of cool restaurants, and considering this is New York, I’m assuming your restaurant game is on point, so none of that should be a problem for you. Also, there’s a Union Square office, so that’s pretty awesome.
Finally, in case you haven’t gotten a general theme that we try to cultivate here at Brokelyn, we love books. Books are freakin’ rad, and you should totally get into them, right after burning your eyes out on the internet first. Keeping on that track, you can get this new Sales Assistant job at ABRAMS books and successfully lend a hand to the wholesale murder of countless trees. This is a great way to get your foot through the door and get the scoop on the latest Alton Brown book and maybe get that one blog you read a signed copy. Good luck out there!
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