Nightmare job alert: Rap Genius founders seek attache

Job duties include picking the nits out of your boss' hair
Job duties include cutting your boss’ hair

Do you long for the life of the personal assistant but want to do it for someone who insists on calling you an “attache?” Or do you at least dream of the life where you separate start-up kids with more money than brains from their precious cash? Well in that case, why not apply for Rap Genius’ new attache position? It can’t be any more humiliating than the job you have now. Oh wait…it definitely can.

Rap Genius, for those blissfully unaware of it, is a website that seeks to explain explain hip hop lyrics through crowdsourced annotation. This is such an important service that they got themselves $15 million in startup money, despite having a co-founder who said some racist shit about Das Racist’s Dapwell, and as Brokelyn alum Will Staley pointed out, kinda takes the fun out of listening to hip hop by “authoritatively” setting down the meaning of hip hop lyrics.

Anyway, what will your job duties be? Mostly getting paid $25/hour to catch shit from people who think they’re Ghostface from the beginning of  “Biscuts.” Running to CVS, picking up Snapple, ordering and opening up a shower stool for your boss, taking the fall for the murder of Byron Crawford, booking travel arrangements, the possibilities are endless really. Just as long as you’re DOWN FOR WHATEVER and will take shit from people willing to make a terrible diss track about you if they’re dissatisfied with your job performance.


Leave a Reply