Photo by Sam Howzit / Flickr
Photo by Sam Howzit / Flickr
Photo by Sam Howzit / Flickr

Break-ups: they happen to us all, and it happens to our besties. So what are we (as good friends) supposed to do? Distract. Nothing really heals a broken heart like time. So while they are counting down the hours to happiness, let’s bring in the fun (with optimal spaces to cry openly in public when needed)!

________

Photo via Brooklyn Crab's Facebook
Photo via Brooklyn Crab’s Facebook

Brooklyn Crab
24 Reed St., Red Hook

Have you checked your weather app recently? Because spring has mother fuckin’ sprung! Take your BFF to Brooklyn Crab in Redhook to eat their feelings in crab legs and oysters as you peer out to marvel at our gorgeous Lady Liberty. This restaurant/ bar boasts multiple levels, which means multiple bars. When your friend won’t stop gushing about their ex, take ‘em to the backyard oasis filled with free mini-golf, cornhole and yes, you guessed it, another bar! Now, I will warn you, the cornhole attracts its fair share of khaki, but maybe that’s what your friend needs right now. A good ol’ khaki one night stand.

Brooklyn Bazaar
150 Greenpoint Ave., Greenpoint

Welcome to Narnia. Flea markets and disco and mini golf! Oh my! Filled with levels on top of levels of distraction, Brooklyn Bazaar is just begging you to get lost in its boozie paradise of enchantment. Go watch a show upstairs, disco your feelings out on the dance floor, play ping pong, or mini golf all in the same building! Oh, and yah: There’s booze everywhere. Whisk your depressed friend into a world of dimly light corners perfect for public crying. Then refresh and replenish your lost electrolytes with BBQ cheeseburgers and frozen daiquiris. Your head will sting the next morning, but the pain will be worth it knowing you gave your friend a night to remind them that they will get through this heartbreak.

Huckleberry Bar
588 Grand St., Williamsburg

You’ve gotten your friend out of his apartment, and out of his holey sweatpants, so let’s get him in a tie and Get. His. Swagger. Back. Sure, Kevin seemed like the one, but he wasn’t, and you sure as hell aren’t going to let your Joe drown his sorrows in Annie’s Mac & Cheese anymore!!! This atrocity ends now! Bring him to Huckleberry Bar and let the sexy ambiance rush over the two of you as you drink craft cocktails, and enjoy each other’s company. No need to open up Grindr just yet, baby steps for now. This bar shows you that yes, there will be another “Kevin” but right now, all you need is a cocktail (or eight) and that fancy feeling.

…but what about my pantsuit?

A post shared by Alex Kieturakis (@thepizzaknight) on

Sunshine Laundromat 
860 Manhattan Ave., Greenpoint

Don’t turn back when you walk into the laundromat, I promise Google Maps isn’t lying, you are in the right place. Keep going straight back, open the door, and behold over 20+ pinball games, draft beers galore, and a sassy monkey that will tell you your future. Sunshine Laundromat is the perfect example of why being an adult is awesome, because here you are the captain of your domain. Want to splurge and spend 50 bucks on pinball? Uh duh, go for it! Booze up and watch your friend’s poor attempt to beat the The Simpson’s high score? Of course! The world is your quarter-filled oyster! Let nostalgia bring your best friend back to the good ol’ days when heartbreak could be cured with a snow cone and a couple of prank calls. The Iron Man game is kind of a bust, though.

Westbury Inn 
673 Flatbush Ave., Prospect Lefferts Gardens

Sit in couches surrounded by TVs and eat your feelings in tachos (tater tot nachos) and don’t worry, they have vegan tachos too. During the day it’s easy to hide in a couch-filled corner and just talk (and listen). When your friend is feeling overwhelmed with emotions there are multiple one-stall bathrooms to cry in. At night, it gets louder, but sometimes when your heart is broken all you want is loud noise, a friend by your side, and a Pinterest-type recipe you can shove down your gullet in hopes to fill the hole in your heart.

Bushwick Country Club
618 Grand St., Williamsburg

It may sound fancy, but Bushwick Country Club is the perfect place to go for a low-key day drink vibe. Grab some picklebacks, since your friend is having a “Let’s drink all the booze!” type of day. (And uh, cause pickle-backs are the tits.) Play a little putt-putt, grab some of that vitamin D, and booze the day away. Nothing makes heartbreak a little bit better than some sunshine and pickles.

________

Photo via Brooklyn Bazaar's Facebook
Photo via Brooklyn Bazaar’s Facebook

The Charleston
174 Bedford Ave., Williamsburg

Where’s Waldo you and your bestie into a sea of hipsters, complete with American Apparel hoodies and leather. With each drink comes a free personal pizza ($1 extra after 8 pm) allowing you to shove copious amounts of ‘za and wash it down with cheap dranks as your friend talks shit about their ex. (Seriously, they were the fucking worst.) When your BFF is floundering, usher her to play skeeball, letting her competitive side take the wheel. But don’t let her win. Cause like, you’re competitive too, betch. And the cruelest game of all is life.

The Woods
48 S. 4th St., Williamsburg

The Woods was especially good to me during an awful break up. The venue has three parts: the main bar (which also acts as the dance floor), which leads to an outside seated area ( you guessed it, there’s trees!) which leads to the second bar and restaurant (they have bacon on a stick!). Dance out your feelings and then cry in the private bathrooms when the rush of acceptance overwhelms you as you realize your boyfriend was emotionally abusive (not that I am speaking from experience or anything… I am). Then eat bacon… duh.

Super Power
722 Nostrand Ave., Crown Heights

You know what makes you forget your undying love for you ex that just brutally dumped you in public? Brain freeze. Seeing as we all live in NYC and can barely afford our rent, Super Power brings the fun island oasis to you in the Crown Heights neighborhood. (You being me, I can’t afford a vaycay, like ever.) Just be warned these frozen drinks of goodness pack a heavy one-two punch. You guys will be gushing over each other’s goodness in no time under the palm tree wallpapered tiki bar.

________

Photo via Soda Bar's Facebook
Photo via Soda Bar’s Facebook

Soda Bar
629 Vanderbilt Ave., Prospect Heights

Private bathrooms, a treasure trove of couches, and a backyard?! Yes. Let your friend wander in and out of each area as they contemplate their new life without their former flame. Maybe they are a craft beer/outdoor patio person now? Or maybe a martini/talk with the chill bartender person? Or maybe, just maybe, they want to eat bar pizza with the basketball blaring in the background as the two of you melt into the couches basking at each other’s strength to not only make the trying move up to New York City, but to thrive in an environment that is anything but nice. You two will sit in silence, knowing that right now, today, it sucks. But they will be back on their feet in no time, because while the city may be begging for us to fail, its places like Soda Bar that reassure you: You made the right decision. You are exactly where you are supposed to be.

Related Articles

0

If he's not getting you off or even trying, The F Train's got some advice to help the situation.

0

Other suggested neighborhoods for recent college graduates included Crown Heights, Washington Heights and Bushwick.

0

Places that will make you seem like a cool kid but also where you can escape quickly if your Tinder date turns out to be a horrible human.

0

Park Slope's Barbès has long fought the tides of change but, $70,000 in debt, it needs cash fast in order to stick around much longer.

1 COMMENT

Leave a Reply