Christmas is alright we guess, provided you can get beyond the forced merriment. Well, that and the annual drunken crimson rolling fistfight masquerading as charity known as SantaCon. With less than a month until the bearded douchebaggery is set to be unleashed on the city, citizens of Hell’s Kitchen have stood up and said, “Take a hike you fucking bums,” and have demanded bars in the area not welcome to the red revelers. We hear every time a bar joins this revolt, an angel gets its wings.
While there aren’t any legal orders preventing bar owners from serving Santas (under penalty of catapaulting, perhaps), a recent community meeting for the Midtown North precinct saw the bar owners agreeing to a request from Lieutenant John Cocchi to not serve roving groups of Santas on December 14. Hell’s Kitchen residents said they were sick of the annual cavalcade of drunken assaults, public urination and other stuff bros like when you put them in giant, anonymous groups.
SantaCon organizers were non-plussed, laughably hiding behind claims of raising money for Toys for Tots that the charity group immediately disavowed. One organizer also claimed that the event wouldn’t be back at Hell’s Kitchen, but won’t say where the event is. Given last year’s event had a heavy Williamsburg component and Williamsburg is quickly taking on the worst characteristics of Manhattan, it’ll probably be there. Unless of course, Williamsburg residents band together and overthrow this menace as well.
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Maybe NJ Transit and the LIRR should refuse to allow anyone wearing Santa gear to board a train or bus on December 14th.
I’m sure the train and bus staff would back it. And heave a sigh of relief.
Give this brilliant mind a job in the de Blasio administration immediately.
More nanny state bullshit – what difference does it make whether people are barhopping dressed in popped collars or red coats? Why not just close the bars on Halloween weekend? Or St. Patrick’s Day?
Say what you want about the detriments of Santacon but I don’t want to live in a world that deprives men of the right to get blackout drunk dressed in silly costumes.