This morning we learned of a polyamorous house in Bushwick seeking roommates looking to escape judgement. The three-story building has fifteen bedrooms and its occupancy is being coordinated by Leon Feingold, the co-founder and co-president of polyamorist group Open Love New York. Feingold said they’re not advertising to the public and are currently only considering “friends and friends of friends.” That’s tragic, because this is one of the more appealing housing options we’ve come across in a while.
If our roommates’ parade of lovers is the best deterrent you can come up with, you clearly don’t understand our standards. We have lived through everything. We’d had roommates steal our food, clothes, money and pet hedgehog. We don’t care how loud you are, just don’t drink our damn chocolate soy milk that we just lugged up five flights of stairs.
Rent at the polyamor-house apparently “ranges from $750 to $1,500 per month, depending on room size and whether it has a personal bathroom.” You have got to be kidding me. A personal bathroom? That’s an option?!
This place has a hot tub. Do you know what we would do for a shower with reliable hot water? Do you know when we last encountered decent water pressure? Please, polyamorous house, give us a shot. We can play Marvin Gaye on a recorder if you ever need background music. We can trade Tinder tips. We’ll stay up playing bananagrams and laugh and laugh and laugh. Just please, in the name of all things sacred, save us from the Brooklyn housing market.