Brooklyn’s best happy hour food deals for oyster haters

Happy hour: the blessed two-hour window after a relentless day of succumbing to capitalism from 9 to 5, just before returning to your stanky-yet-beloved two-bedroom apartment. Like the rest of society, Brooklynites borough-wide worship a cheap drink (or three) from 4-6 p.m., and beyond, especially if there’s food to accompany those pint(s) and cocktail(s). More often than not, this food accomplice happens to be a heaping ice-cold tray of raw oysters, with a side of Tabasco.

Many, like my former self (prior to my raw bivalve enlightenment), just don’t “do” oysters. Oyster-haters often describe the classic aphrodisiac as “hideous,” “rancid-smelling” and/or “having the consistency of nasty feet.” And it’s okay to feel that way! Lucky for you oyster non-believers, these seven happy hours below have fabulous non-shellfish food deals.

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Dziupla
194 Bedford Ave., Williamsburg

With a quaint AF mahogany bar, as well as indoor and outdoor seating (prime for some Bedford Ave. Williamsburg hipster-watching), Dziupla’s happy hour includes $3 beers, $4 glasses of wine and half-off pierogies. Need we say more? We 100% recommend the sweet potato variety; they’re straight up ~delicious~.

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Miriam
79 5th Ave., Park Slope

The Miriam is not only one of the most invitingly spacious bars/restaurants in Park Slope, but its Mediterranean-inspired decor looks straight out of Mama Mia (the movie starring Meryl Streep, to be exact.) Most importantly, beer, wine and mezzes (similar to tapas) are 2-for-1. Mezze faves include hummus, eggplant salad, roasted cauliflower and zucchini cakes. It’s pretty impossible to leave happy hour hungry…or sober.

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The Brazen Head
228 Atlantic Ave., Boreum Hill

The Brazen Head takes me 3,456 miles from Boreum Hill all the way back to West London, where I’m roaming the side streets of Hammersmith, craving a luke-warm pint and a heaping plate of chips. Brazen Head is all that, minus the luke-warm pint (my beer was quite chilled, actually), and the happy hour menu extends far beyond a platter of thick french fries. From wings and darts to bloodies and bagels, there’s always a tasty-as-heck food special and some crazy antics arising at Brazen Head.

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Falansai
112 Harrison Pl., Bushwick

Falansai is the way to go if you’re skipping through the streets of Bushwick, admiring some warehouses and yearning for a $3 shrimp summer roll dipped in gooey-crunchy peanut sauce. With a sweet Vietnamese flick projected on the wall and a $4 glass of wine or $3 beer, forgetting all of life’s crippling responsibilities is simple and absolutely necessary.

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Chilo’s
323 Franklin Ave., Bed-Stuy

Started by the owners of Crown Heights staple Mayfield, Chilo’s brings cheap drinks and bang-for-your-buck tacos to Bed-Stuy. Happy hour includes $1 off cans, drafts, wines, well and frozen drinks, and $3 tacos from a permanently parked taco truck in the backyard (it’s seriously the dream). Choosing from their never-ending list of tacos, tortas and tostadas is a little hard, but leaving happy hour when the clock hits 7pm is way harder.

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Lantern Hall
52 Harrison Pl., East Williamsburg

With weekly live shows, free throwback movies and Mario Kart consistently projected on the back wall, Lantern Hall is a beloved 1990’s flashback, tickling the border of Williamsburg and Bushwick. In addition to their 20 rotating on-tap beer options, Lantern Hall offers 50 cent wings on Sundays and Mondays as well as $9 beer and fried chicken sandwiches on Tuesday and Wednesday nights.

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Wolf & Deer
74 5th Ave., Park Slope

Going to Wolf & Deer is like finally cooking yourself a decent homemade meal after exclusively making pasta for the last six weeks, or wearing your favorite pair of underwear to work. One of the classier establishments I’ve chosen to hangout in, Wolf & Deer’s happy hour consists of $5 drafts, $7 glasses of wine, and $14 for a plate of three fancy meats or cheeses. Also, every Sunday – Thursday evening has a different appetizer deal. But if you’re truly horrified by bivalves, stay away on Thursdays: Thursday is oyster night.

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