Is the mayor of our fair burg a dope smoking drug friend? So say rumors that are probably being fed to people by police who are SO MAD at Mayor Tall. The answer is almost definitely no, because you don’t spend half your life planning to be the mayor of New York City just so to see it all fall apart because you want to take some bong hits before watching Broad City.
Rather than focus on the how the police rebellion under Bill de Blasio is starting to get nasty and weird, we’d rather focus on the important question at hand: Would you get high with Bill de Blasio if given the chance? I would do it, considering I’m not that discriminating about who I smoke weed with. I also think it would start to get a little weird because at his core, de Blasio seems like a nerdy policy wonk and not a guy who’ll watch Sealab 2021‘s “Uh Oh” scene over and over with you. Would other Team Brokelyn members do it though? Let’s see!
Dave: Gabby, I’ve got a non-Glug-related question for you.
Gabby: Shoot
Dave: Would you smoke pot with the mayor?
Gabby: Absolutely
I’m not a fan of Blaz, but I’m a fan of weed
Dave: Do you think it would be fun?
Gabby: Um perhaps at first then in the height of highness he might say something offensive that would bring me down
He would be suppling the pot, correct? “No” if I have to smoke him out
_________________________
Dave: Dave, great Buscemi line in the MulchFest post
Also, question
If you had the chance, would you smoke weed with Bill de Blasio
Dave Rosado: Oh hah, thanks
And I mean, wouldn’t you have to? It’d be hard to turn your back on that offer
Dave: You think he’d be extra weird if he was high?
Dave Rosado: He strikes me as the super chill type who’d bring up the good times, like when he didn’t have everyone on his case and he wasn’t dropping groundhogs
_________________________
Dave: Conal, I’ve got an important question for you
Conal: Shoot
Dave: Would you smoke weed with Bill de Blasio?
Conal: Again?
Sure. But he’s buying.
Dave: What do you think it would be like?
Conal: First he’d show up late.
Then he’d give a long speech about how lighters are important.
And if all goes well the cops will turn their backs on us.
Why do you ask?
Dave: Brokelyn post.
Conal: I had a feeling
_________________________
Dave: Would you smoke weed with Bill de Blasio, Maddie?
Maddie: YES
HOLY SHIT YES
Dave: Do you think it would be fun?
Maddie: Umm
I’d probably geek out pretty hard and get the shivers, then ask him if he’s ever seen the Beyonce video with the Snuggie kid
But it’d be a good story
Dave: That’s true, it would be
_________________________
Dave: Camille, hello!
Question for you
Camille: Yep
Dave: Would you smoke weed with Mayor de Blasio?
Camille: Certainly.
And the rest of the family.
Dave: Do you think it would be fun, you would you just do it because he’s the mayor?
Camille: I’d smoke with a groundhog killing smackdown dancer even if he was just a lowly public advocate
Not quite Rob Ford but he’ll do
Dave: Truer words have not been spoken
_________________________
Dave: Kelly!
Kelly: What
Dave: Smoking weed with Bill de Blasio, would you do it?
Kelly: This is such a Tim move
No, I probably wouldn’t unless I was feeling extraordinarily mentally stable
Dave: That is a mean thing to say,but also i’m glad someone finally said no
Do you think that Bill de Blasio would be good at handling a freak out if you started to feel weird?
Kelly: Actually, yes. But not good ENOUGH.
Dave: Does that reflect the confidence you have in him handling all crises or just that particular crisis?
Kelly: Circumstantial crises
_________________________
Dave: Tim, you there?
Tim: Yeah
Dave: Would you get high with Bill de Blasio?
Tim: Yes.
Might be awkward because he’d take all the hits to fill his gigantic body
Dave: Is that how smoking weed works?
Tim: Yes
THC is stored directly in the legs
Dave: Great,now this post can be a science lesson and not just a bullshit factory
Tim: I would do it and then run a shocking exclusive for the front page of the Post about BDB’s cipher etiquette
Dave: Brutal
_________________________
Dave: Paul, are you there?
Paul: Wuzzaaaap
Bud-Weis-Errr
Dave: Good bit!
You’re in exile from your homeland now,but I have an important NYC question for you
Would you smoke weed with Bill de Blasio?
Paul: No way, smoking weeds with olds is lame. He’d be like “Oh you gotta hear this Steely Dan record” motherfucker no.
Dave: Oh man,that’s a thing I hadn’t considered
What if Dante came and promised to cut down the dad factor?
Paul: But Dante is too young, so then * I’d * feel like the old, and he’d probably like have all these cool teen ways to smoke weed and I’d just feel like a dick the whole time.
Or like, try and sound cool but come off racist or something.
Dave: Oh no
Paul: No, I don’t think I can smoke with the de Blasio family.
Why what are your thoughts
Dave: Well,I’m doing an informal Brokelyn survey
I’d do it,but i think it would be weird, he seems like kind of an awkward guy
_________________________
Dave: Eric!
Would you smoke pot with Mayor Tall?
Eric: Yeah, I would definitely smoke with him. I feel like I could probably convince him to stand up and make a hoop with his arms, and it would be like having an actual basketball hoop in my living room.
Also, he used to get coffee in my area. maybe he likes walking around Green-Wood Cemetery like I do
Dave: Do you think he’d try to give a tour on the fly?
Eric: Ugh, I hope not. Unless he wants to talk about all of the freemason mausoleums, in which case I’m down.
Dave: He probably knows all about them actually,since we all know how people who get high enough in politics are all masons or Illuminati or something
Eric: It’s all on the dollar bill, mannnnnnn
_________________________
Dave: Faye, I’m doing an informal Team Brokelyn poll
Would you smoke weed with Bill de Blasio?
Faye: Absolutely.
Dave: Just because he’s the mayor?
Faye: Yes.
That’s not enough of a reason?
Dave: No, that makes sense to me.
Faye: I would rather see Pat Lynch smoke weed with the mayor but I don’t think that’s happening.
Dave: I mean, there’s no such thing as a bad reason, I think
Faye: Is he coming to the meeting tonight?
_________________________
What about you, dear reader? Would you smoke a bowl with the Mayor? What do you think it would be like?
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Fuck you, Paul. I would LOVE to listen to a Steely Dan record while high.
is this post just #viral #marketing for Coachella?
I had to look up Steely Dan first and, no, I don’t believe this is a viral post. Steely Dan is apparently pretty big.
The band or the… (see “Naked Lunch” by William S. Burroughs)
This was so fun to read on Friday night.