Have you heard about this Bon Appétit Brooklyn Grub Crawl (June 1-3)? It’s a weekend-long noshfest at some of the most hyped restaurants in three Brooklyn ‘hoods that costs a full $550 for a weekend pass, plus a ticketing fee of $26.45 (On Eventbrite?). Join the roving scarfathon and you can sip cocktails at the Clover Club, nibble on crostinis at Frankies, and munch fried chicken at Fort Defiance. And so on. But why so steep? Can any human being possibly eat that much over two and a half days? The simple answer is no, and, it turns out, so is the complicated one.
Based on the participating restaurants’ actual offerings, we put together a generous sample menu of what a Grub Crawler might eat over the weekend. What we can’t quantify here is the ticket price of an unspecified private concert (Jagger?) at the Knitting Factory Saturday night, which is $50 a la carte, but included in the club crawl weekend pass price.
Friday, June 1: 6pm, Carroll Gardens
Clover Club (210 Smith St.) – “Punch demonstration with cocktail savant Julie Reiner, followed by drinks tasting, deviled eggs and mini pulled pork sliders.”
- Punch: $46/6 servings = $8ea
- Deviled eggs: $8
- Mini pulled pork sliders: $12
- Drinks: $10 (avg)
Clover Club total: $38
Frankies 457 (457 Court St.)/Prime Meats (465 Court St.) – “Lambrusco and assorted seasonal crostini served in the garden with the Franks — chefs, Brooklyn residents, and local celebrities in their own right.”
- Frankies/PM does not include the fizzy Italian red on the vino list, but let’s guess a generous $45 for the bottle.
- Crostini: $5 (avg)
Frankies/PM total: $25 ($20 (2 glasses each vino) + $5)
Seersucker (329 Smith St.) – “Experience fine Southern food and libations with Chef Robert Newton including seasonal vegetable amuse bouche, fried chicken & biscuits with homemade spreads, and local NY State wine on tap.”
- Libations: $11 (avg)
- Veggie amuse bouche: Meh, not sure what this is, but judging from the menu, $15 sounds more than fair.
Seersucker total: $26
Treats Truck (521 Court St.) – “Be the first to indulge in assorted sweets with Kim Ima at the first brick and mortar shop. Warning: will cause extreme elation and a sugar high.”
- I mean, how much sweets could one really eat at this point (more booze please)? Treats Truck’s menu is very budget friendly at $1 for cookies to $3 for cran almond crispies
Treats Truck total: Let’s say $10 total? Any more than that and you’re asking for diabetes.
Friday crawl total: $99 (Friday day pass rate: $159)
Saturday, June 2: 4-8pm / 9-11 (dj/concert), Williamsburg
Meatball Shop (170 Bedford Ave.) – “Hang out in the garden with the guys from Meatball Shop – Daniel Holzman and Michael Chernow – as you enjoy their addictive meatball sliders, ice cream sandwiches, and pitchers of Sangria.”
- Meatball sliders: $3 ea (let’s assume people could eat about 3 balls each. Fair?) – $9
- Ice cream sandwich: $5
- Sangria: $25 (small) / $38 (large)
Meatball Shop total: $52 (That’s assuming each person drinks a WHOLE pitcher of sangria. I have never dropped more than $25 in that place without walking out hammered on $2 PBRs and stuffed full of balls.)
Maison Premier (298 Bedford Ave.) – “Explore absinthe and oysters at one of the most beautiful new restaurant spaces in New York, which has received national praise from local and national media.”
- Absinthe: $15 (most expensive on the menu)
- Oysters: $2.50/ea – How many oysters do people eat? 10 max reasonable? $25
Maison Premier total: $40
Allswell (124 Bedford Ave.) – “BA Grub Crawlers will experience pairings of foraged cocktails with dishes progressing for different groups from breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner and dessert.”
- This one is hard to put dollar signs on mostly because I don’t know what the fuck “foraged” cocktails are. And the menu changes daily.
Allswell total: Let’s say $40
Brooklyn Winery (213 N 8th St.) – “Get a behind-the-scenes tour of the winery and a tasting of truly incredible wines that you cannot find anywhere else.” Ok, anyone can do this any day of the week and Wednesdays are $20 wine night.
- Flights (wine tasting menu): $20 (avg)
Brooklyn Winery total: $20
Rye (247 S 1st St.) – “Chef Call Elliott will personally prepare some of his comforting bistro classics, including crab cakes and his signature Southside cocktail.”
- Crab cakes: $10
- Southside cocktail: $11
Rye total: $21
Knitting Factory (361 Metropolitan Ave.) – “Complete your night of grub crawling with Bon Appetit with DJ Justine D. and an exclusive live concert – talent to be announced Monday, April 30th!” Apparently they have yet to announce the exclusive talent, but the Knit’s web site advertises Telluric Activity feat. Mr. Joseph with tickets available at $10. [This is not included in our food total.]
Saturday crawl total: $173 (day pass rate $212 includes the show)
Sunday June 3: 11:30am, Red Hook
Stumptown Coffee Roasters (219 Van Brunt St.) – “Get a strong buzz and and learn about Stumptown’s various methods of roasting and brewing.”
- It’s friggin coffee: Total: $5
Fort Defiance (365 Van Brunt St.) – “tch owner St. John Frizell give a Ramos Fizz demonstration paired with cold fried chicken and oysters.”
- Fried chicken: $13
- Ramos Gin Fizz: $12
- Oysters: Not on menu. Let’s say $10
Fort Defiance total: $35
The Good Fork (391 Van Brunt St.) – “Enjoy a Korean breakfast prepared by chef/owner Sohui Kim”
- Korean steak and eggs: $16
- Beverages?: $10
Good Fork total: $26
Mile End (97A Hoyt St.) – “Taste meats and pickles with Mile End’s chef/owner who cures, pickles, and smokes all of his products in house.”
- Meat & pickle tasting: Judging from menu, about $15
- Beverages: $10
Mile End total: $25
Sunny’s (253 Conover St.) – “Kick back and relax with a live band and many Dark & Stormies at one of Brooklyn’s oldest bars, opening exclusively during the day for the Bon Appetit Grub Crawl.”
- Website down, but let’s guess $10 for dark & stormies and maybe 2 each: $20
Sunday crawl total: $111 (Sunday day pass rate: $185)
GRAND TOTAL: $383
Admittedly, I did not factor in tips, so let’s throw in another $80 and round up to roughly $465, assuming they’re included in the overall price. Remember too that the Grub Crawl price does not include tolls from Westchester, parking, a hotel or the 3-day juice cleanse you will need after choking down so much food. Not to mention the type of people you will likely be enjoying for an entire weekend.
This is only an exercise, and actual food consumed and prices may differ, and maybe Mick Jagger actually is doing that Saturday night concert, but we’ll let the hedge fund community decide whether to spend $576 for $465 worth of food. You heard it from Brokelyn that the Grub Crawl is probably the least cost-effective way possible to enjoy our blossoming food scene. Especially if you bring a friend, and your weekend total climbs to an eye-gauging, there-better-be-air-travel-included $1,152. Don’t the Bahamas have restaurants?
Follow Rachel: @RaeinBK.
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FYI, an amuse bouche is usually a one bite course that is served gratis before the courses that make up your main meal are brought to the table.
Nevertheless, these things are never really worth it. I did Choice Eats once, only because I got a press pass and was covering the event, and that was enough. Once the press only access portion of the evening ended, I zoomed out of there. Absolute nightmare. I did eat about thirty-five plates of food by myself, though. Champ.
This must be geared to Wall Streeters who live in Connecticut. Can you honestly imagine paying $1,152 per couple for food in one weekend? Shouldn’t it include a guaranteed reservation at Brooklyn Fare’s Chef’s Table? Or a makeout session with the Brooklyn chef of your choice?
Everyone just give me $500 instead and I’ll make a big pasta and you won’t have to go to Red Hook. BYOB.
This is ri-god damed diculous