Oh, you thought renting an apartment was all a numbers game, did you? Or maybe you thought it was just literally a game. Either way, you’ll be pleased to hear that the churning corporate machine of city real estate has definitely found some humanity this week. Goodbye, low-pixel jpegs of plastic tile. Hello, high-fidelity photographs of sun-washed hardwood. We’ve got everything from Bed-Stuy to Flatbush to Crown Heights to Bensonhurst. We’ve got 2, 3 and (almost) 4 bedrooms. In short, we’ve probably got what you’re looking for.
First off, this Bensonhurst 3-bedroom. Also known as, secluded kick-ass cocktail party venue. At $2,200, it’s something in the realm of $733 apiece. Easy peasy, lemon drop squeezy. There’s a “formal entry foyer” where you can greet your guests, generous closet space for playing 7 Minutes in Heaven hanging up guests’ coats, wood flooring throughout to facilitate cleanup, and oversized windows so everyone can gaze up at the stars when the party winds down. Pets allowed AND there’s a laundry room, so if your dog barfs on someone at the party you can clean them up, too! Off the Bay Parkway N.
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Boy, would you look at that sun in this Crown Heights 3-bedroom, for just $2,000. So for under $700 each, y’all can bask in that sun amidst prewar finishings that will remind you of simpler times. Recent renovations mean a stainless steel kitchen, too. Caveat: no fridge in the photos, so make sure one exists before you move. Big closets and spiffy floors. Off the Utica Av. 3/4/5.
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Hold the phone. No seriously, hold the phone in your hand because you’re about to call and rent this apartment. Have you seen this NO-FEE, $2,390 3-bedroom, 1.5 bathroom apartment?! It’s in Bed-Stuy, at Gates and Tompkins. It’s got queen-sized bedrooms with closets, hardwood floors you’re probably going to want to eat off of. Supposedly you can convert this into a 4-bedroom for another $185/month, which would make it just $643 each—though we’re not sure where that extra room is. Top floor, just a 3-floor walkup. Pets allowed. So, are you calling yet? Off the Kingston-Throop C/Bedford-Nostrand G.
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Looks too clean to be true, right? But it isn’t. This 3-bedroom in a Flatbush/Ditmas luxury development for $2,190 is really happening! Microwave & dishwasher. Backyard, laundry room, bike storage, communal lounge, exposed brick. Every bedroom has A/C and heat, and can fit a queen-sized bed. All this, next to wonderful things like the newly-renovated Kings Theatre and Prospect Park. Bring your pets to the apartment, and then bring them to the park. Off the Nostrand 2/5 and the Beverley B/Q.
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Another no-fee three-fer here in Crown Heights, for $2,250. This one’s great for roommates who want to split the rent a little unevenly, since one of the bedrooms is significantly larger than the other two. Large living room that isn’t just the kitchen, for a change! You could probably film a porno and/or horror film in the bathroom—sleek black tile and red (??) ceramics. The map dot is maybe a little off, but it’s on Pacific Street and supposedly near Franklin. We’re going to guess the Franklin A/C/2/3/4/5. Head over there and see!
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Just south of Prospect Park, this dreamy 3-bedroom in Kensington has it all. Steeper than some at $2,395, but that still clocks in at under $800 apiece. Probably under the aegis of the same agent as our first listing, this apartment also claims a “formal entry foyer.” In fact, it has all the other amenities, too! Big windows, hard woods, a living room. And a dishwasher. And an elevator. Off the Church F/G.
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A two-bedroom for money that isn’t all of the money! $1,550 gets you a nice, lived-in 2-bedroom apartment in Bed-Stuy with a “Juliet balcony” where you can call out for your Romeo by the light of the moon. No Romeo in sight? That’s OK, you can just go back inside, sit quietly in your living room and enjoy the sight of ample kitchen cabinetry. Off the Ralph Av C. Like, right off of it.
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