You’ve got the beard, you’ve got the flannel, but there’s still something missing from your carefully cultivated “Ron Swanson-lite” persona. Unless you’re going to suddenly start going on about the superiority of libertarianism (LOL, sure), we’ve got the missing, although expensive piece for you: a $3500/month apartment in Williamsburg described as “an urban cabin.” $3500! We know what you’re thinking: what a bargain!
You’ve always felt the pull of the country despite choosing to settle in one of the most urban areas of the world, and that pull has been getting stronger since those vaguely menacing teens started hanging out outside your local bodega. But you’re not actually going to move to the country, God no. There’s no Seamless, everyone goes to church instead of brunch and people will view your non-callused hands with suspicion. It’ll be the glares from those teens all over agin.
So instead, take your flannel, your beard and beard oil and your alleged preference for simpler and more rustic ways of living and combine them with this baldfaced marketing stunt to make you feel like more of a man. Sure the inside of the apartment is just your standard New York stuff, with nary a fireplace or a bearskin rug to be found, and you’re just three blocks away from the L train. But just think about how interesting you’ll sound when you tell people you live in an urban cabin.