Brooklyn is just like 2 Broke Girls Gone Country! Photo by François Halard via Vogue.

It’s unfortunate, but there are still people who move to Brooklyn and consider it some kind of exotic foreign land. Even worse than that, plenty of media outlets will give them the space to wax rhapsodic about what a strange and enchanting place they’ve moved to. You know, because you have a house. In a city. Vogue talked to Miranda Brooks (who’s a landscaper for the well-to-do) and Bastien Halard, a couple who moved to Brooklyn from Manhattan and seem eager to troll their new neighbors with the most stunningly oblivious quote in the history of Brooklyn trend stories.

While droning on and on about their garden, Halard drops this bomb: “We said, ‘We’re going to Brooklyn, so let’s just pretend we’re moving to the country.’ ”

Country living in Kings County.
Country living in Kings County. Photo by François Halard via Vogue

Oooookay then buddy. Because Brooklyn is exactly like the country, which is why you need to make your iPhone ring a cricket chirp noise as opposed to actually listening to real crickets. Plus, these bougie mothers live two blocks from the Gowanus Houses. The whole thing is worth a read, especially since it fulfills your FDA requirement for rage at rich people and includes an anecdote about how the poor dears were getting on without their housekeeper. Who’s stuck out on Long Island because Sandy wrecked the LIRR.

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  1. “Did you feed the bunnies?” Miranda Brooks asks her husband, Bastien Halard, as she ladles cauliflower soup into an antique ironstone china bowl.”

    FUCK YOU. *punchesscreenscreaming*

  2. They left their bunnies outside in their hutch on the roof during a hurricane?

    Excuse me. I meant to say, ‘those f***ing a**h***s left their bunnies outside on the roof during the m*****f*****g HURRICANE?

  3. As a Brooklyn native, I instinctively hate them. But I grudgingly admit their home looks fabulous. I just wish they lived in Connetticut.

  4. “The garden is tiny,” …But the car she’d ordered was already idling downstairs… so she made the journey and entered the small garden…“and saw the little carriage house ”


  5. And the husband, wow what a TROOPER for pointing and shouting his specific instructions to his Chinamen (on his own contract’s time) all the while happily exposing those joists! Where can I read more about their incredible journey?

  6. I can’t. I CAN’T!!! Stay out of BK you jerks! You’re driving up the freakin real estate prices! You’re driving us all insane!!! Go tot frickin Westchester, or CT! STAY OUT OF OUR MIDDLE CLASS HAVEN. YOU ARE NOT WELCOME YOU BUNCHA ASSHOLES

  7. Wow. Cannot believe the jealous haters on here. Wouldn’t these people increase your property value ? Maybe you haters should move on to the Bronx.

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