07/22/14 4:39pm
downtown brooklyn

Soon people are gonna be hanging out here, “learning.” BOOOOO! via Facebook

It’s summer! Time to turn off your brain, turn on the part of your brain that loves drugs and forget about learning anything as far as life or actual useful lessons goes! Of course, if you must insist on learning things like some kind of nerd, then we guess you’ll like this news: MetroTech Commons will host three free classes for useful life skills on three upcoming Wednesdays in July, August and September. We’ll be there, but only to walk by and shout “NEEEERRRRD” at you. (more…)

07/22/14 12:00pm

Citi Bike might get a commuter tax break, but still no expansion on the horizon [amNewYork]
Internal police report on Eric Garner shows cops didn’t mention chokehold [Daily News]
Thomas Friedman treats corporate sloganeering unquestioningly? Now we’ve heard everything [NYM]
Here is a video of Arsenal players trying to talk like New Yorkers [Deadspin]
Who do you meet at a dog park? [Slate]
Locals all love Williamsburg Starbucks, so we guess that fight is over [Bedford + Bowery]
Laugh at the person who paid $4.3 million for a messy bed being called “art” [New York Post]
Pity the poor people who can’t sell their Riverdale mansions [Observer]
Jill Abramson blames cars for NYC’s pedestrian deaths. Good for her! [Runnin' Scared]

07/22/14 11:00am
Good idea, Brooklyn Bridge. via Mark Weprin's Twitter

Good idea, Brooklyn Bridge. via Mark Weprin’s Twitter

Move over, brown goo in Gowanus, New York City has a new mystery to be collectively baffled by: Why has the American flag that proudly waves on top of the Brooklyn Bridge been replaced by the white flag of surrender? City Council member Mark Weprin spotted the flag and began asking questions this morning, and according to DNA Info, police are baffled and are looking at surveillance footage to see who could have pulled this off. Our theory? The Brooklyn Bridge, after standing tall for 131 years, is finally throwing in the towel. (more…)

07/22/14 9:47am
williamsburg j. crew

wow. such graffiti. much hipster. very art. via J. Crew

We tried to goof on the Williamsburg J. Crew by getting hold of the employee handbook for the store, but you know, it sounds like they’re doing a good enough job parodying themselves. From T Magazine:

“We didn’t want to just go and do graffiti,” says Jenna Lyons, J.Crew’s creative director. Initially, she wanted to keep the store’s facade as she’d found it — covered in posters and spray-painted tags. “Unfortunately when we did a survey of the space, the facade was actually in such poor shape we had to replace quite a bit of the brick,” she said. “We asked, ‘Who is a local artist who might be able to do help us tell people we’re coming in a way that’s not obvious and might be able to reference that graffiti sensibility — but making it feel more modern?’ ”

But forget about Lyons’s real employees for a second: what would Hannah Horvath think of a J.Crew moving into Williamsburg?

YES, WHAT? Just a reminder, that if you hear anyone make jokes about Williamsburg hipsters these days, that person is a terrible hack and should be tied to the tip of an ICBM and shot into space.

07/21/14 4:03pm
mckibbin lofts

They’re just not figuring this out? Photo by Emily Paup

Hey, speaking of totally authentic NYC apartments, what’s up with the McKibbin Lofts lately? Last time we checked in with them, there was a totally authentic dumpster fire in front of the building. Today’s news? The Department of Buildings slapped the basement at 255 McKibbin Street with an order to vacate on Friday, according to a tip sent in to Gothamist, with the order saying that the basement’s conditions were “perilous to human life.” Looks like C.H.U.D.s finally have an opening to get their own slice of gentrification pie. (more…)

07/21/14 3:19pm
marmara park avenue hotel

Your apartment of course, looks just like this. via Marmara Park Avenue

You know how it is when you move to New York City. You call your friends and family back home in Topeka, Iowa or wherever you’re from and they drawl into the phone and ask if your apartment is JUST like the one from Sex in the City or Seinfeld or Girls or The Parent ‘Hood. It’s what people who don’t know any better expect when they come to New York, so of course a new hotel in Manhattan, the Marmara Park Avenue, is pitching themselves as a chance to stay in a real New York apartment. Just, you know, without any of the bad stuff. (more…)

07/21/14 12:00pm

Oh no, Jay-Z and Beyonce’s relationship is in trouble according to anonymous sources [Post]
No, if this Gowanus date was like a Girls episode, it’d end with awkward sex [Irish Central]
Here’s a ridiculous new food line [Bedford + Bowery]
The chokehold cop lost his gun and badge [Metropolis]
Here’s what those sober, 7am raves are like [Gothamist]
Rich New Yorkers aren’t running from high taxes. Let’s tax them some more! [New York Times]
The Daily News fired a bunch of people [Capital]

07/21/14 11:26am
gowanus canal

What do you mean, “raw sewage”? via Flick user prizepony

Despite the fact that it’s a neighborhood where people want to be, and want to get ice cream and have wild dance parties, you have to remember that Gowanus has the Gowanus Canal, a Superfund site that gets to host New York City’s sewage overflow. The canal (or rather its ruler, Poseidon), has been in a sharing mood as of late, and has been spreading mysterious, horrible smelling brown goo into homes and businesses around Gowanus according to the Post. Great time for an editorial about how Gowanus should shut up and welcome residential development, huh? (more…)

07/20/14 6:00am
Something new this week: Sunday Reads. We’ve selected some of the best Brooklyn and NYC reads from around the web. Kick back with a coffee and bagel and enjoy a lazy Sunday with these stories.

“In people’s minds, ice is water, and water is free,” [Gothamist]
“The demand for whiskey barrels has outstripped supply.” [Fox News]
“It took us 20 years to get to 100,000 barrels sold [in a year]“ [Business Insider]
“…our rents are increasing while incomes are decreasing.” [Guardian]
“This apartment is worth more without you in it.” [AJA]
“At the $373 per foot price point, Mr. Palmese said ‘you have to build condos.’” [CO]
“…sullen hipsters aren’t the only characters who populate the pages…” [Brooklyn Based]
The CAEs … will fight tooth and nail to stay above the ‘I get nothing’ number.” [Verge]
“And no, you don’t have to be a member of a ’70s-era psychotherapy cult.” [NYT]
“This is real, this is a real problem here,” [CapitalNY]
“This is the birth of a new species,” he says. [News.com.au]
“…human beings are human beings, and you, sir, owe everybody something.” [Bumf]

07/18/14 4:02pm
piquant brunch

Piquant is on our agenda this weekend, we don’t know about you. via Facebook

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- The best in unlimited drink brunch specials was found

-We were the voice of reason in the “Brooklyn Girls” freakout

-The Brooklyn Museum got a farm stand with really, really local produce

-The Park Slope Food Co-op got political

-You got some ideas on how to spend your summer Fridays

-Lousy damn millennials refused to rack up credit card debt

-Bushwick got an alcohol festival

-We had all these jobs for you

-Hipsters saved a bar

-A map tracked Brooklyn’s demolitions

-Lena Dunham dissed all the next Patti Smiths out there

-We declared it was alright to be a ba’sik bitch, and suggested playing pinball at Jackbar