When it comes to beards, you’ve either got it, or you don’t. You can’t do stretches or stick your face in something so you can fight back against what your genes never gave you. Alternately, you could pay a doctor $7,000 to take hair from your head and put it on your face, which cosmetic surgeons told DNA Info is a practice on the upswing, thanks of course to Brooklyn. We did it, everyone, we’ve officially made an unshaven face into a symbol of male anxiety and worthlessness. Reggae horn!
While this isn’t completely a Brooklyn thing, a Dr. Yael Halaas told the website that she gets four or five clients a year from Williamsburg, Park Slope and Bushwick, with another doctor in Midtown saying he does three beard transplants a week. Three per week! Now, the beard transplants could be worse we guess. The doctors could take the hair on your ass, instead of the hair on your head. Who knows! Maybe they do, you’re knocked out with anesthesia during the whole thing, and it’s definitely what we would do at least once.
It was inevitable, we guess, as beards became a really dumb status symbol, that people with insecurities would pay ungodly sums of money to have a doctor glue hair to their faces as opposed to just being comfortable with their bodies. Although it is awesome to see guys have patriarchal beauty standards drive them crazy enough to walk into a doctor’s office with a picture of Brad Pitt and demand his beard. It’s like the male version of being psychologically beaten down into getting breast implants, and if we’re not going to destroy beauty standards, everyone might as well be desperate and miserable.