Articles by

Kenji Magrann-Wells

10/23/14 1:46pm
brooklyn museum

Work at a place where everyone will think you must be smart. via Facebook

Hey everybody! We here in Brokelyn have been feeling pretty mature as of late, and feel that it’s time to look into getting an actual, what do you call those? Oh right, a career. Turns out that Brooklyn is tossing jobs all over the place these days, and we’ve gathered up a few of the best just for you. Remember, if you do end up getting one of these jobs, you’ve gotta pay Brokelyn $15 a month for the rest of your life. Okay fine, $5. A swipe with your Metrocard? Fine, whatever. (more…)

10/15/14 10:49am
Pierre Vergnes Saute Pan

It’s even signed! We mean, they’re all signed, but uh, hey, that’s gotta be worth something. Photo by Kenji Magrann-Wells

At the Brokelyn High Homecoming Dance that is rapidly approaching, there will be fun and games, large organized communities playing music, a talk show host, cheap beer and Brokelyn writers of notoriously little moral fiber. But that doesn’t matter. No, you didn’t come here to make friends (although you could and it would be a very great idea); you came to win a raffle. Yes, there are all sorts of amazing prizes available to win at the raffle this year, where two small dollars could get get you a very large bike, some tickets to some amazing shows, the definition of art and many other prizes. I, personally, would be playing for the $500 Pierre Vergnes Saute Pan though, courtesy of Brooklyn Kitchen. (more…)

10/09/14 10:02am
brooklyn brewery

Yeahhhhh buddy. via Facebook

Exciting news! Local brew heroes/Swedish superstars Brooklyn Brewery has decided to get in on the fun by sponsoring our Brokelyn High Homecoming Dance on October 16, to the tune of $1 beers from 7:30pm until we run out! That means not only can you enjoy Scott Rogowsky (of Running Late with Scott Rogowsky), The Hungry March Band, games, prizes, tunes courtesy of DJ Brian Blackout and good times galore, but you can now do it with a $1 beer in your hand! (more…)

09/24/14 1:25pm
brooklyn botanic garden

This could be where you work. via Facebook

Alright, this is starting to get ridiculous. How are all of these amazing jobs still hiring with so many talented, driven New Yorkers like yourself lying around? You’d think all the good jobs would be taken forever by now, but week after week I keep finding better and better employment opportunities. Do me a solid and take a few of these awesome jobs so maybe next time I can write a shorter article. Thanks! (more…)

09/10/14 3:54pm
murray's cheese

If you want to tell people that cheese is good, for a living we mean, inquire with Murray. via Facebook

Let me be honest with you here for a second: digging for jobs is hard work. Scrolling through page after page of people looking for “interns” and “willing to pay with exposure” to find the actually awesome jobs is tough, but I know that if I can help just one person get the job that makes people give an impressed look when they’re introduced at dinner parties, I’ll know my work has paid off. That’s a little something called job satisfaction, and if you don’t know anything about that, just keep on reading, because these jobs will provide it. (more…)

08/27/14 2:09pm

Can you help manage the people who manage this oven? Then apply today! via Facebook

Alright, you’re doing pretty well. You live in New York City, presumably in a very urban-chic (small) apartment, you’ve found your soulmate or are at least stalking him on Twitter, so there’s one thing is missing: The kickass New York job where you work hard and play harder. To help you complete this final requirement in what 99% of people agree is “winning,” here are a bevy of jobs for you to choose from. Also, I think you might need a pet as well, to really push you over the top. (more…)

08/13/14 1:13pm
espn job

Meet your new coworkers! Maybe.

You know what? You’ve been working at that old, dead-end job for too long! What’s that? You just started it? Well even so, it’s been long enough! You deserve a job that makes you skip to work in the morning, that makes you whistle on the train (until somebody hits you for not shutting up), that makes you feel good! And while there are several recreational drugs that can also do that, this way you also get paid for your time and don’t have to talk to anyone named “Spider.” So get out there and get hired! (more…)

07/30/14 2:51pm
sports illustrated jobs

Replace “on the cover” with “in the office” and there you go. via Facebook

If you are currently on this website, then we can deduce three things about you: First of all, you have excellent taste and probably very stunning facial features, second, that you live in Brooklyn or nearby, and third, that you are not overly rich. To help out with the money problem, since you’ve already got the location and arrestingly good looks covered, have you considered getting a sweet, kick-ass job that would turn your life into the physical form of an epic guitar solo? No? Well check out these awesome jobs and see if you start to hear any music. (more…)

07/28/14 1:12pm
peter pan colin spoelman

Colin, playing John Darling in a local production of Peter Pan, in the days before Kings County Distillery took flight. Photo via Colin Spoelman

Because we here at Brokelyn are responsible drinkers, when we hit the bottle, we don’t just look to get trashed, we look for inspiration. In the world of whiskey there are few stories more inspiring than that of Kings County Distillery, which started as New York City’s first distillery since Prohibition-era rules on distilleries were lifted, back in 2010 in a 325 square-foot room in East Williamsburg and went on to critical acclaim, praise from the public, and a brand new distillery in the Brooklyn Navy Yards.

We sat down with co-founder Colin Spoelman, former scent model and executive producer, to see the long and winding route he took from rural Harland County, Kentucky, to bustling New York City, and the hobby he took with him. (more…)

07/16/14 4:05pm
iraq and afghanistan veterans of america

You can help the Iraq and Aghanistan Veterans of America help veterans AND get paid (don’t worry though, you won’t have to go to DC). via Facebook

Hello, all, and happy meeting you again! It is I, the Grand Job Czar of Brokelyn, here to point you to the most exquisite jobs available in New York City. You may be asking, “Why should I trust these magnificent-sounding jobs being thrust at me by this large man in a tinfoil hat?” Well, first off, it’s a crown, and secondly, because ever since I was a small child, all I ever wanted to do with my time was to help people find the most bitchenest places to work possible, and that’s exactly what I do now! So, if I could do it for me, then I can certainly do it for you too, and checking out these awesome job listings below is a great first step. (more…)