Articles by

Kenji Magrann-Wells

04/08/15 3:20pm
Because chocolate factories are notoriously terrible places to work. Via Flickr

Because chocolate factories are notoriously terrible places to work. Via Flickr

The end is nigh! Wait, why are you throwing that trashcan through a window? Oh, I should have specified: The end of your less-than-ideal career is nigh! If you consider yourself to be a generally talented person with little-to-no body odor and killer workplace banter about the latest Game of Thrones episode, then there is no reason why you shouldn’t be out there working at the position of your dreams, or at least, not sitting at home all day. Seriously, you’re talking to the cat too much. Way too much. To that end, we here at Brokelyn have yet again corralled some of the best career opportunities in New York just for you, because we care about your wellbeing. And the wellbeing of Mr. Whiskers.

03/25/15 8:23am
Magazines about what's in right now are so in right now. Via NYLON

Magazines about what’s in right now are so in right now. Via NYLON

Brooklyn is a big place, and getting bigger every day, since random boroughs are rapidly becoming annexed by deranged real estate agents. Point is, if you’re looking for something out there, you’re likely to find it, whether it be a significant other who likes home-brewing and needlepoint rap lyrics as much as you do, or finding a place where you can get a damn whiskey coke without judgement and under 7 bucks. More than anything, though, it means that if you’re looking for an awesome job involving doing what you love, it could only be mere stops on the G train away. Which is to say, several hours. But the ride will be worth it once you find yourself breaking out of your boring desk job and expressing your inner dancer/sommelier/poet/psychopath!

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03/11/15 2:45pm
On one hand, you get to be around these all day, but on the other, you can't eat all of them. Via Roberta's Pizza

On one hand, you get to be around these all day, but on the other, you can’t eat all of them. Via Roberta’s Pizza

Hello, residents of Brokelandia, and welcome to another edition of Now Hiring! I’ve recently heard word that a strange new season is coming about, one that doesn’t involve ice rain and blizzards and might actually be pleasant, and while your old job was “good enough” in that it had heating and you were sitting too close to Carroll from H.R., but she runs hot so it’s okay, when these precious few weeks of perfection come along, you’ll want the perfect career to go with them. While “perfect” may mean many things to many different people, we here at Brokelyn have put together a list with a little something for everyone, from the gym-bro to the number-cruncher, so read below and find out what your new best job ever is going to be. (more…)

02/25/15 2:30pm
brooklyn bridge park

Your new office. Well, if we’re being realistic, you won’t actually be working in the park itself. Photo by Etienne Frossard via Facebook

Hello Brooklyn, and welcome to your new future! It has been a raging freeze-hell outside, and possibly you’ve been walking to work, thinking “Is this barista job really worth six more blocks of this agony?” The answer, of course, is no, and that mathematics degree you’ve got stuffed behind your headboard should really be doing more then acting as a home for 17 spiders. So, to get you to a future where you’ll be gladly skipping to work while various digits are freezing off, here are some new, great jobs that have just fallen onto the market, collected courtesy of your good friends at Brokelyn (more specifically one friend, who cares about your future career very much). (more…)

02/20/15 4:38pm
Like water-skiing, but on land! via Flickr

Like water-skiing, but on land! via Flickr

We’re in the midst of awful, awful cold, but there’s good news on the horizon. No, not that’s warming up, but at least it’ll be warmer this weekend, at a balmy 31 degrees. That means it should be warm enough for snow, but not so cold you just want to curl up inside and die. So get out there and take advantage of the fresh powder at these nearby skiing spots. (more…)

02/19/15 8:51am
pok pok ny

Eat this, and still have plans for the rest of the day. via Facebook.

This is a game-changer, people: we love Thai food and we love efficiency, and now those two glorious things are finally one, with Grub Street noticing that Pok Pok Ny now takes reservations for parties up to 12 people. The wait for Pok Pok is legendary, with many documented cases existing on the internet of people going insane while waiting for some authentic kaeng hung leh. (more…)

02/18/15 4:19pm
The one on the right, or just throw it on the floor, i guess. Via Dept. of Sanitation Facebook

The one on the right, or just throw it on the floor, i guess. Via Dept. of Sanitation Facebook

Williamsburg: stop being gross. Yes, there are many things we could be referring to when we say that, but in this instance, we’re talking about those gnarly compost piles that everyone keeps on their roof, in their yards, and in their bedrooms (actually, now that we think about it, that one person might have just been a slob). The city government seems to agree with me, as they’re bringing the city’ curbside composting collection program to Williamsburg this spring, according to DNAinfo. (more…)

02/18/15 8:18am
They might not like these ones, but what do they know?

They might not like these ones, but what do they know?

In case you haven’t noticed, Brooklyn has a bit of a love affair with all things old timey, vintage and otherwise out of its time. This of course extends to drinks, so we’re surprised it’s taken a bar this long to decide to do a tribute to The Old Fashioned itself. The long wait is over though, because tonight, The Saint Catherine is kicking off their new cocktail series, “Wednesdays” with a salute to the drink by making some twists on the usually simple mixture of four ingredients (whiskey, sugar, bitters, and an orange peel) each named after a different Golden-Age Starlet. (more…)

02/13/15 4:06pm
It's either this, or going outside. Via simplyrecipes.com

It’s either this, or going outside. Via simplyrecipes.com

Very soon, that most beloved/behated holiday of the year is going to fall upon us: Valentine’s Day. Of course, this means that people are in the position to spend lots of money for the sole purpose of impressing their significant other, but for Brokelyners, it means something very different: time to start making stuff. Yep, everyone knows that hand-made gifts are better because: 1. It translates your true love and compassion and 2. You’re so poor you use delivery napkins as toilet paper. Also, good God, it’s murder-stoppingly cold outside.

Making dinner for your boyfriend/girlfriend is an instant panty/boxer dropper, saves you a ton of money, and couldn’t be easier to do. To illustrate that point, here are two super-simple recipes for a romantic night snuggled up inside with the thermostat set to 90°. (more…)

02/13/15 1:22pm
Good thing this guy isn't around, huh?

Good thing this guy isn’t around, huh?

For the last 11 days, New York has been breaking a modern record by not once brutally murdering another human being! Good work, everybody! As the Daily News reports, we are now living in one of the longest streaks of murderlessness in recent history, which means that we are only months away from the perfect future-world described in the future-documentary, Demolition Man (but for real, three shells?). (more…)