It may seem hypocritical, but sometimes the best way to fight capitalism is with capitalism. As the Trump administration turns Idiocracy and Black Mirror from a dystopian film and TV show into Nostradamus-level prophesies, our tax dollars are spent on militarizing the perimeter of Trump Tower, and we are berated on a daily basis by news of new lows in the history of democracy, it is hard to think beyond the mentality of fear the current administration has imposed on us. One silver-lining, however, is that where there are strong negative emotions, there is often great art, and ever since the election cycle, people have been churning out anti-Trump merchandise faster than you could say “bad hombre”
Because we defend your first amendment right to shout “Trump sucks!” from the rooftops, Brokelyn has rounded up the best of said joke merchandise on the web right now. If you have a few dollars to spare, donate them to Planned Parenthood, the ACLU or another local charity that needs and deserves your money. But after that, buy yourself one of these neat items. You deserve it for living under the Trump Administration and going about your daily life instead of curling into the fetal position and crying in bed all day.
Nasty woman t-shirt (Google Ghost), $25
If you prefer your jokes short and to-the-point, opt for this simple design. Printed on a white men’s American Apparel jersey cotton tee, this shirt comfortably brands you as exactly the kind of nasty woman that Donald Trump is threatened by. Your purchase comes with a karmic boost, too: 50 percent of proceeds from these shirts will go to Planned Parenthood! $1.99 shipping.
Not Up For Grabs tank top (Etsy), $32
Also in the t-shirt category, this joke hits a little lower. We at Brokelyn are lovers of the fine and subtle art of wordplay; Shakespeare used double entendres to mock society’s dummies all the time, and you can too! This “Not Up for Grabs” tank is great. The reference to Trump’s pussy-grabbing comment is obvious, but this shirt offers added wear post-election as it speaks to the simple experience of being a woman on the street in NYC, i.e. trying not to get groped or catcalled or propositioned at every turn.
Tweet Storm (Dawn of Dissent), $50
140 characters have never been so scary. This hand-printed long-sleeve shirt took impossibly more effort, care, and thought than a single one of @realDonaldTrump’s Tweets, AKA America’s new form of official legislation. It comes in either black or dark grey, and was made by a designer couple inspired by the election to create a whole website full of #dissent merchandise.
Survive the Trump Years (Etsy), $25
Made by FriendsCollective, this shirt speaks the unspoken sentiment on everyone’s minds: how are we going to make it through? Hopes of impeachment aside, the answer is By being strong and standing together. FriendsCollective also has a variety of other Brooklyn t-shirts sporting the names of lesser known neighborhoods like Georgetown and Homecrest
Pussy Trumps Hate mug (TeeSpring), $15
Our friends over at Lady Parts Justice whipped up a whole bunch of merch with this “Pussy Trumps Hate,” logo, but we like the mug for its nice bright readability and a straightforward message you can take in with your coffee first thing in the morning. Do you somehow have a Trump-loving roommate? Get real passive aggressive by sipping (your tea) out of this pussy-powered piece whenever they’re around. $4 shipping.
Donald Trump Toilet Paper (eBay), $6.95
Rump 2016: this Donald Trump toilet paper makes for a great addition to any bathroom! After hearing the shit that comes out of his mouth, you may as well fill it with your own. And it’s 3-ply, so you’ll probably only need one pillowy orange-haired ass wipe per trip. FYI, I wouldn’t recommend gifting this to any female friends: no woman wants Trump’s face anywhere near her pussy. Free shipping.
Trump-scented Candle — Now with actual hair! (Etsy), $18.50
Move over, Mrs. Meyers. This Trump-scented candle endeavors to “make America smell great again” with a blend of two incredibly classy smells: suntan lotion and steak. The candle is topped with a tuft of orange hair (presumably to relieve stress at work as you run your hands through it, and not to give you daytime nightmares). The candle’s label includes fun extras like a candle poll — “Trump-scented candle” narrowly beats out “Ben Carson describing the smell of his hands” — and a Fire Hazard warning about how the United States may be consumed by a fiery cataclysm of death and destruction under the Trump Administration.
Trumpbusters pin (Roshendraws), $10
$2 of every sale of this pin by Roshen Carman goes to immigration services in New York helping people build a better life for their families and a stronger, more diverse work force here in the US. AKA something Trump would HATE.
Dump Trump pin (Etsy), $5
Nothing to add.
Miranda July’s El primer hombre malo (The First Bad Man), (eBay), $15.51
This collection of short stories by Miranda July (ostensibly titled “The first ‘bad hombre'” if you mix together the English and Spanish titles) talks about our universal need to be loved. July wrote this long before Trump ever said that nonsense on screen, but it’s a prescient collection all the same. Instead of wearing the words Bad Hombre on your chest on some random t-shirt — which doesn’t speak to anything besides an administration entirely devoid of any humanity — let this book restore your hope in the world!
Also, “The First Bad Man” is an excellent moniker for Donald Trump.
Follow Sam on Twitter for more novelty content: @ahoysamantha