Where do you get paid $200 just for going on a terrible date? Here, that’s where. Congrats to Josh Krigman, the randomly selected winner of Brokelyn’s funny date contest, sponsored by MeetMoi. We asked for your most ridiculous dating tale, and we got ’em, alright. We heard stories of stalkers, pukers, druggies and assorted fetishists that make 50 Shades of Grey look like baby pink. Josh’s account of a mismatch between a hamburger guy and a raw foodie (reprinted below) was pretty vanilla by comparison. At least he got lucky on Brokelyn! Here’s Josh’s story:
“I once met a girl in a bar through a friend and we hit it off and I got her number. I called her and she picked a restaurant for us to meet at. It was a raw food restaurant in Fort Greene. Apparently, she was a raw foodie. As I tried to decipher the menu (there was something on it called nut butter), she explained to me that a raw food diet means you can’t cook anything above 103 degrees. I thought that was ridiculous but I kept it to myself and ordered a kale sandwich. Except it wasn’t on bread because you can’t bake anything. It was on a cashew-based thing that I won’t pretend to understand. Anyway, I tried to enjoy myself because she was really cute. Then she explained to me that she taught hot yoga classes, and that for it to be true hot yoga, it had to be at least 104 degrees. At that, I broke into laughter. Kale may have gone up my nose. She asked what I thought was so funny and I tried to explain to her that she was cooking her own body at a higher temperature than her food. She didn’t get it. I suffered through the rest of the conversation where she explained, among other things, how she didn’t believe in Facebook or the New York Times, as if they were invisible entities that you could choose not to believe in. I paid 18 bucks for shrubbery on a plate and she got mad that I didn’t offer to pay for her as well. Then I went across the street to a diner and ate two burgers in a row. We didn’t keep in touch.” — Josh Krigman
Want to meet someone more like you? Download the MeetMoi iPhone or Android app and enter the word “brokelyn” in the Guest List field of registration. Do it today (7/16) and you could win a $25 gift card toward your next date.
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She’s clearly a raw-vegan heretic. Anything cooked hotter than your body temperature is destroying the planet.
Remember the chant:
“Vegans, vegans, you must nix
Food above 98-6!”
“Thirty-seven centigrade:
That’s how raw food is best made!”
“Three-ten Kelvin is not hot;
It’s how raw food should be got!”
wow, he asked her out and he didn’t pay for her meal? That’s so cheap and not chivalrous.
are the other stories posted elsewhere?
I would just like to point out that there may be indictments coming down the line for the use of the phrase “baby pink” in a post about dating.