Dubious Craigslist freebie: a giant picnic table

Perfect for: eating, sleeping, waterboarding probably

Summer is the time for eating outdoors, but why go all the way to a restaurant and pay a bunch of money for it, when you can just grill in your backyard or on your roof? Of course, maybe you have an issue about sitting on the ground. In which case, can we interest you in an eleven-foot picnic table that you’ll have to transport yourself in one piece?

The writer of the Craigslist ad giving this hunk of wood away claims that the carpenter who made it told the owners that it would last their entire lives, so you probably can’t take it apart. And you presumably don’t have a truck big enough to haul it away (or a team of oxen and a covered wagon) either. Honestly, we’re left wondering who the hell this could possibly be for. But hey, if you’ve got six or seven stout friends and really, really want a picnic table, at least you know where you can get a free one now.