[UPDATE: 4:30pm: After publishing this post this morning, we heard a lot of feedback from you, and we have decided that this piece does not meet Brokelyn’s editorial standards. We have since fired Sally Nakile, effective immediately, and will pledge to return our commitment to Brooklyn’s hard-working service industry employees. Sally Nakile has been forced to returned to her career as a cat burglar. Our readers deserve better, and we are sorry if anyone was offended.]
Here’s where the problem I’ve been wrestling with for years started: I spend waaaaay too much money on brunch. Like, it’s an addiction. On an average weekend, I have crammed in anywhere between three to five brunches in the past. But I’ve found it’s worth it, because too many friendships have broken over too many missed mimosas or un flapped jack. Anyway, that’s not the point: The thing all these weekend meals pointed out to me is that eating out at restaurants all the time really takes a wallop out of the wallet. I found myself dropping three figures each weekend, and that’s before you factor in the necessary post-brunch cocktails and crostinis (a girl cannot live on kale omelets alone, after all).
So about a year ago, I had an idea: how much money could I save in a year by giving up tipping? I mean, the Europeans have been doing this for ages, so why not America? I kept track of how much money I saved by not tipping for all of the past 12 months, and it added up to hundreds of dollars a month, and a whopping $10,000 for the year! It turns out, it is way easier than you think. This is how I did it, and how you can too:
This experiment started about a year ago, while dining at Michelle’s, that new trendy brunch spot in South Bushwick, a small tapas and tequillas dive that Gothamist highly recommended. But when we sat down, the restaurant had the blatant rudeness to let multiple servers wait on our table at the same time. Which is cheating, right? I mean, if you don’t have one server waiting on you hoof to marrow for the entire meal, how can you possibly judge what kind of tip they deserve? I mean, you’re called a server, so serve!
The answer was clear: no tip was necessary. So just like that, we shaved $30 off our bill. That’s half the cost of the facial I had scheduled for the next day! (I never tipped facial spa employees anyway either. Yeah, your job in a freaking spa makes me feel so bad for you.)
So I started doing this at other restaurants too. Sure, ditching the tip at Alfred’s, the Soho diner that we always end up at after an evening of slamming exotic guano-infused bitters cocktails at happy hour after work, barely saves you $10, but you know that every little bit counts, so you can put that in the bank to save up for something you really want, like a VIP GoogaMooga pass (PS: Did you get a chance to taste the CaveBBQ rips last year? They were cut from an actual live pig! I will be first in line to hear those squeals of deliciousness again this year.)
The other reason I decided to start saving money by not tipping is a personal one. We’re all creative types in Brooklyn: artists and writers and such, which makes it all so fun to live here! Just yesterday, for instance, I wrote some adorkable emails to coworkers that I spent all day on, and I felt like my creative juices were just flowing like boxed wine at book club. Sure anyone can just bust out a memo about the new 401K regulations, but I wanted this note to really come from a place of realness. My grandma died last year, and she had a 401K, so I felt like this issue spoke to my particular role as a 20-something alive today more than anyone else. Don’t you think the money is better spent with us artists than some heartless local “business” or whatever? All they’re going to do with it is return it to their employees, and it’s not like I ever see those people around my midtown office handing out money.
On an average weekend night out, I used to walk out of a bar with anywhere between 1/5-1/6 less money in my purse, all thanks to tipping. No more. Last week, the birds of prey (that’s what I call ma ladiez) and I were chugging a few Grey Gordons (a special goldfish-bowl sized daiquiri that’s just so much fun to hold, reminds me of Hipstamatics of collllegggge). I watched the bartender, some boring-looking hipster with ivy tattoos and an elaborate belt, make our drinks. He practically didn’t have to do anything: he just ground the ginger, mashed some mint, chipped ice, distilled some sugar, shook the glass and poured it out in equal proportions, with a handmade parasol on top, which just happened to be lying around like someone had just made it, and viola, instant drink. Like he’s special? Like this is hard to do? Like some penguin with a liberal arts degree couldn’t handle it? Please.
I didn’t tip, but I think he appreciated my frugalness. The next time I ordered a drink, he even put something extra special in it. I think it was a sort of tobacco-infused gelatin liqueur ball or something. I didn’t even know they made those yet, but these are the wonderful things you learn while you’re young and free and in your 20s.
Did you know you don’t have to tip the hairdresser either? I haven’t been able to get another appointment after my last one, which just confirms my theory: she must be so busy that she doesn’t need my tips. You’re a hair dresser, not a hair beggar, so dress! She’s cool.
Then I expanded this philosophy to transportation. Last spring, I took a cab from the Narrows to Kane Street. I didn’t give my customary $2 tip this time, and the cabbie didn’t even mind. He must have seen my Yankees key chain and realized I’m such a huge baseball fan because he even said “You Bunt!” out the window to me in thanks, which is Yankees’ slang for a baseball bat term, you Red Socks fans wouldn’t get it.
I kept up this experiment for a full 12 months. I only have a day gig that pays $50,000 a year, so I have to be as frugal as possible; which means I have to drink friggin tap water instead of bottled (don’t homeless people pee in that water?) and can only go to the food trucks for lunch four days a week (yes, sadly, I have even been reduced to ordering from the VEGAN truck one day a week, which makes me even sadder about the state of our economy for young professionals I just wish Obama would really have lost that election).
So here we are, 12 months into my decision to adopt the European philosophy of not tipping, and I’m never going to stop: my records show I’ve saved an incredible $10,000 just from not tipping at all! I can’t believe everyone in Brooklyn in those crappy service industry jobs complain about not having any money. Why not just be a little bit more careful about how you just hand out it all willy nilly at bars and stuff and maybe you’ll finally have some money in your pocket for once. Enjoy my 0% tip, you joker.
Follow Sally’s further budget exploits on Twitter: @Sallynakile.
Related Articles
Celebrate St. Patrick’s Day with Drinks Specials & Free Food on Grand St! (Sunday, 3/17)
This SUNDAY (March 17), 13 bars along Grand Street celebrate St. Patrick’s Day with 29 drink specials and free food. This 8th edition of the Grand Street BID annual Pub Crawl makes you Sunday Funday easy – walk or stumble along just 6 blocks to eat and drink to your lucky charm’s desire. (ad)
The CBD Free-for-all Is Over for NYC Cafes and Bars
The NYC Health Department in now cracking down on cafes and bars that serve food and drinks with CBD
Whiskey Lovers Rejoice! Best of Dime Brooklyn Food & Beer Fest Features Unlimited Craft Beer and Whiskey (Sat, Jan 26th)
Whiskey Lovers Rejoice! The DIME Best of Brooklyn Food & Beer Festival just got even BETTER! Bulleit and Johnnie Walker are the […]
23 Comments
Leave a Reply
Well done! I was getting angrier and angrier and then I realized what day it is. Happy April Fools! :)
Hahaha, exactly! People are so dumb……it’s like when people post political news from The Onion, the amusement comes more from the idiots making the fired-up commentary believing it’s real.
Well, I really hope this is a joke! Maybe what you dont realize is that legal minimum wage in the service industry is about 2.13 an hour. Like it or not, your tip is not extra to the server, its how they get paid. Having spent many years working in the industry I can tell you definitively that my weekly paycheck after taxes was usually less than $50 for a full work week. Why don’t Europeans and Canadians tax? Well, because servers in those countries are compensated at a minimum wage that is comparable to other industries. Quite frankly, if this post is for real, you should be ashamed yourself.
Wait, what day is it?
Does April Fools just mean Troll The Crap Out Of Everyone Day at this point
Wow. You sound like a self-centered narcissist, and a generally horrible person. Servers make below minimum wage. Tips are the only way they can survive. I am all about being fair, but it seems like you’re just baiting others to be big-o’l A-holes (like yourself). Please, be ashamed.
OMG. Happy april fools. I should have known a website called “brokelyn” wouldn’t post a serious article about stiffing the same kinds of folk that make up your readership. Jokes on me :-/
Are you kidding?? Pack up your shit and get the F out of NYC. You don’t deserve to live her you cheap, idiotic wench. In some case though I smile in the general direction of how completed fucked your Karma is for the rest of your life times 10.
I hope you realize this is an April Fool’s article before you go in to work angry. Wouldn’t want you burning your hand on the oven while you’re flipping those burgers.
Ivy tattooooooos! And tobacco-infused … I can’t even finish the sentence. The moral of the story is TIP.
Actually, reading NY Times headlines as if they were April Fool’s jokes does make the world seem like a better place…
Lots of people seem to forget it’s April Fools… hold the vitriol!
Wow…is this an April fools joke? Or are you just a bad human being? You do realize most servers don’t make a living wage and rely on tips, right? If you wanna save money, I have an idea…how about you COOK AT HOME!!!
The irony is that people reading this might think you’re making an April Fool’s joke, when in actuality the joke’s on them.
Just got better and better. Thanks for the tip!
Wow, you really suck. Obviously you have been blessed enough in your life to never have to wait tables. Don’t you know that tips are the only way that servers make any money at all. After taxes, the average waiters paycheck is less than $10 for an entire month of work. I would say that a better solution for you to save money is to stop eating out so much and give servers the tips they really deserve. They are depending on their customers to make their bills. They don’t have the luxury to blow their money on 3-5 fancy shmancy brunches every weekend. They are just trying to make ends meat and you are laughing in their face trying to save money on something you obviously spend way too much on in the first place and don’t really need. One thing that might really save you money is to try having a brunch at home with your friends occasionally. That would really help your finances and wouldn’t hurt the people who are waiting on you for nothing.
It’s as if this whole story were so absurd that no one could have been serious when he wrote it. But only a fool would believe that.
Hey, what’s the date, again?
Would people really have believed this if it wasn’t April Fool’s Day?
Apparently people believe it even when it IS april fools day!
Your a asshole…I’ve been working for tips for 15 years. You disgust me. If you don’t want to tip don’t eat out …..people depend on their tips to live. ….servers make 5.15 a hour which is nothing after taxes. Your a dick.
For the sake of humanity, please learn how to:
1) Look at a calendar
2) Understand satire
3) Use the English language properly
This is unbelievable. Do you realize waiters live off your tips? That they don’t get paid hourly? And that they pay tip-out and taxes on your food? The idea that it is ok to take from someone else’s livelihood to compensate for your own shortcomings is absolutely selfish. If you can’t afford a decent tip, don’t eat out. People in europe don’t tip because it’s factored into the bill. If tips were factored into your bill in america it would be a lot more expensive! A tip is to ensure promptness – you have the opportunity to give someone what you think they earned based on a 15% average.
it’s obviously an april fools joke…but seriously anyone who eats brunch is a douchebag.