The election has now reached a point of insanity where it feels more like a natural disaster than a political event. And as with any natural disaster — following the initial wave of panic it engenders, anyway — people eventually start trying to use it as an excuse to have sex.
A quick search on Craigslist proves that that’s exactly what’s happening with the final debate tonight in New York City: Superstorm Clinton vs. Trump has led to the inevitable rise of “debate sex.”
As you can probably infer from the name, debate sex involves having sex while watching the presidential debate. We doubt it could be as fun as playing our drinking game, but it’s certainly another way to alleviate the stress of actually watching the thing. If you’ve been swiping fruitlessly through Tinder for a like-minded liberal, the Craigslist personal might be your next best bet … especially if you don’t think you can stand to master debate alone.
The bulk of the personals come from Manhattan, and they’re pretty entertaining. For example, a self-identified nudist (m4m) is seeking a naked buddy to rub up against — presumably while Trump tries to rub up against undecided female voters in the audience. “The only way I’m going to get through 90 minutes of Trump,” reads the ad, “is with a bottle of wine, and a naked buddy!”
One NYC woman seems to have been charmed by a certain, red sweater-sporting undecided voter to such an extent that she’s now “Calling all ‘Undecideds’” for a sensual debate watching and ensuing … er, discussion: “Watch Debate Tonight – It’s a circus at this point. I’d love to hear your point of view when we meet later. I’d like to plan earlier in the day so that we can just meet after work.”
(After the debate, they Ken Bone.)
Yet another Murray Hill bro wants a sapiosexual female for something a little classier. “If you are an unabashed liberal and would enjoy getting together with a fun, lively business man for drinks, dinner and debate watching at a posh place on Wednesday night, drop me a line,” he writes. “Perhaps we can chat tonight or tomorrow and get to know each other a bit before debate night. Hopefully, this may become a warm, ongoing friendship.”
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Sadly, unlike the calls for “blizzard sex” during NOT-superstorm Jonas, debate hookup seekers on Craigslist don’t seem to be as eager to use dick pics to seduce their prey prospective matches. Instead, it’s all emojis and reasonable requests for hosting venues. Boring! Sad!
What remains clear, however, is that even the sex starved underbelly of politically-minded New Yorkers wouldn’t fuck a Trump supporter:
In response to the ad above, we say go ahead and fuck as much as you want tonight, New York. Whether you meet someone at one of the bars screening the debate or you respond to one of these Craigslist ads, it’s gotta be better than spending your time listening to an orange-haired turd on screen sniff loudly at his opponent. In fact, to draw a tidy parallel, I’d venture to say that NYC feels exactly about this election cycle the way that women feel about average sex with strangers: at a certain point, we’re just waiting for it to be over.