Millennials man. They (we) are just the most useless goddamn generation to certain traditional voracious sectors of global capitalism. We don’t want cars, we don’t want normal Hot Pockets, we don’t want massive amounts of credit card debt and we don’t want fast food. That last one is bad news for sub-living wage hamburger factory McDonalds, but could winning us back be as simple as branding a few McMuffins as brunch items? Probably not, but they’re still trying to trademark “McBrunch.” So maybe McDonald’s can be the new place for you to fall asleep in your food as you regret last night’s horrendous sexual choices, if that’s not the place you already do that.
BurgerBusiness reports that McDonald’s applied for the “McBrunch” trademark back in July, and that when the website asked the company about it, they gave a PR-speak response about how they file for plenty of trademarks without making plans to use them. Still, it’s not like we can’t see something like McBrunch happening in a world where Hot Pockets are branded as having “premium” ingredients.
After all, according to an internal report AdAge got its hands on, McDonald’s isn’t even in the top 10 of awful millennials’ favorite restaurants, because of the lack of fresh and healthy ingredients that go into the food there. God knows if rebranding things as McBrunch items would be enough to win us back, but at the very least, we’d love to see commercials featuring two exhausted young people waiting for an hour to get a $20 egg McMuffin and then barely speaking to each other as they each wonder why they bother to keep sleeping with each other. We’re lovin’ it!