Winter was a fucking downer but April is looking up. And if you avoid moving into a renovated high-rise, you can be, too! Opt out of the shiny-faucet condo life this spring and check out these lowdown townhouses up for grabs on the market today. Real estate is no stranger to the old saying that good things come in threes, it seems—most of the best deals from our real estate listings this week are on 3-bedroom apts.
- So you’re not living on Daddy’s money anymore but you still want to mingle with people who are, eh? How about this 2-bedroom in Clinton Hill right next to Pratt for $1,800? Gotta love that gas stove and O.G. hardwood flooring; plus, this location is super bike-able to Williamsburg for all of your dumpster-diving needs as you furnish & decorate. It’s also a hop-skip from the Fort Greene farmer’s market for springtime weekends. Kales on kales on kales!
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- If there’s anything the Sims taught us (besides the fact that you can drown in a pool if there are no ladders installed to climb out of it), it’s that enough windows can make any place feel roomier. That’s what this 2-bedroom in Crown Heights at $1,950/month has going for it. Just look at that afternoon glow! It’s also got a living room, and you can’t beat the location: looks like it’s less than a block away from the Nostrand express stop on the A/C—so at the very least you can get nowhere faster when the MTA shutdowns strand you in the borough.
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- Wait wait wait. Can it be? A renovated 3-bedroom in Williamsburg for under $3,000 that also lays claim to a living/dining area “one flight up”? What the what! As long as this isn’t some sort of front for a Manson cult recruiting naive young Brooklynites, this apartment definitely has our Brokelyn stamp of approval. Short walk to the L at Graham/Grand. Tiled bathroom and kitchenette (pictured above, it’s got real kitchen potential). Pets allowed. Bring your gerbil!
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- While we’re talking about cults, here’s a place big enough to start your own. For $3,000, you get the entire first-floor of a townhouse. That means 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a private laundry hookup and—wait for it—walk-in closets. As with any spacious spot in BK, you pay for it with a slightly less-than-ideal location (3/4 at Utica Av), at least relative to Manhattan. But when the A/C/F trains stop running to Manhattan this fall, the 2/3/4 will reign supreme. Then the epic pre-war, granite-countertop house parties you throw every weekend will be the only ones Manhattanites can actually get to!
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- Lazy Sundays can be yours with this dishwasher-equipped parkside 3-bedroom for $2,500/month in Ditmas Park that already has a washer and dryer installed in the unit! Never leave your apartment again — except to walk half a block north to the lake in Prospect Park, and stare at your own reflection so you can congratulate yourself on the great job you did renting this place.
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- In the infamous words of that cyclops in The Goonies, “HEY YOU GUUUYYS!” In his lesser-known lines, “This apartment in Brooklyn sounds really awesome.” You don’t need two eyes to see where this 3-bedroom off the Utica A/C wins with us: at $1,600/month in a pre-war building, with separate entrances and a ton of natural lighting, nobody’s going to believe you when you tell them about your new pad. No, not even if you do the Truffle Shuffle.
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- Last on the docket is a shameless plug for my very own block, a 3-bedroom on Madison St. for $2,800. Besides the living/dining room combo and generally awesome location, this spot also boasts membership in the Madison St. Block Association. You get a nearby community garden where you can plant vegetables in the summer! Come be my neighbor and never resort to the walk-in cookbook again.