1. Make this the best Friday the 13th ever, or the most remorseful, or both, by getting a deal on that new tattoo. (Friday)
2. Thrown on your astronaut helmet and float around this space party at The Silent Barn. (Friday)
3. We bet you can earn a ton of strategic Instalikes at Pioneerworks’ opening reception for Under Construction, an exhibition the value of photography in the 21th century. (Friday)
4. Hear some what jokes Lucas Connolly and Dan Perlman have bubbling in their heads at Bitches Brew Comedy. (Friday)
5. Swoon over Nosferatu, the original dreamy vampire, as Bakia Quartet serenades you with a live improvised film score. (Friday)
6. Freddy’s has a free two-day film festival made up of remixed, appropriated and otherwise spliced up film. Sure it’s not as glamorous as Sundance, but you don’t wanna hang with those rich people anyway. (Friday – Saturday)
7. Play board games, share immigration stories, hear the city’s best buskers, take an African dance lesson, go on a scavenger hunt, and join a dance party at BRIC’s Mapping Brooklyn house party. (Saturday)
8. Short video weirdos HANK Comedy are celebrating their first birthday with a screening of some of their work, comedy from Jo Firestone and Charles Gould and maybe cake? It doesn’t say there’s definitely no cake. (Saturday)
9. If you think you have a decent sense of balance or flexibility, realize why you’re completely wrong as The Golden Dragon Acrobats do things you didn’t know bodies were allowed to do. (Saturday)
10. Lance Weiss and Michael Karlik are leading the giggle charge at Greenpoint Comedy Night at WORD. (Saturday)
11. Enjoy candy pinatas, penis cookies (we assume they’re just penis-shaped, but no promises), free pizza, and hours and hours of dancing at Lady Bree Presents at Passenger Bar. (Saturday)
12. Most of your friends don’t provide you with clean air and shade (except for that one really tall friend who sells air purifiers) so go befriend a tree at this giveaway in Greenpoint. (Saturday)
13. Scholes Street Studio’s All Russian Concert is the best way we can think of to be classy and Slavic without going all the way to Brighton Beach. (Saturday)
14. Stay on your Russian kick and see the Moscow City Ballet’s production of Don Quixote. (Sunday)
15. The harmonica is the most underrated instrument out there after the triangle, so give it the respect it deserves and see harmonica virtuoso Jiayi He & Friends completely shred it at Harmonica Harmony. (Sunday)
16. Gather your friends and strongest antacids for the Chili Cookoff and Macro-Brew Blind Tasting at The Diamond. (Sunday)
17. We’re sure alcohol only enhances your art, so do some drinking and drawing with live models at The Bodega. (Sunday)
18. Celebrate two of the greatest things in life, nutella and getting it on, at Babeland’s Naughty Nutella Happy Hour. (Sunday)