Apartment Hunt: Top to bottom, Greenpoint to Bay Ridge edition

ICYMI on Brokelyn yesterday, renting an apartment ain’t always peaches & cream. That’s why you should at least be able to count on cheaper rent that’ll pad your bank account against the dollars you’re bound to lose on slummy landlords, not to mention late-night snacks. This week’s listings treat the borough top to bottom, with listings from Greenpoint to Bay Ridge. Incidentally, I also got a kick out of hiding names of Drake songs in here; see if you can differentiate his timeless titles from my own signature self-righteousness!

Started from the bottom, now we’re here—still at the bottom, because we just started. This Bay Ridge 3-bedroom apartment is only $1,900! And it allows pets, contingent on approval. You can look forward to “nice-sized bedrooms,” as well as plenty of light and hardwood flooring. Also, LATFK (look at this fucking kitchen) where the addition of simple sign gives the appearance of being in a real French café! With a real French gas stove, of course. Off the 86th Street R.

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The Best I Ever Had was definitely this thrilling Ditmas/East Flatbush apartment, marked at $2,250 for 3-bedrooms of pure, unadulterated hardwood bliss! Okay, so I never actually lived there. But you totally should. Besides the floor, rejoice in the fact that each bedroom in this pad can fit a Queen-sized bed, and that you’re near a park that’s not boring old Prospect park. Off the 2/5, at either Church or Beverly.

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Bushwick may be a tired subject, but it’s Far from Over in this foiiine prewar 3-bedroom apartment for $2,700! The sole L-train dwelling on our post today is also listed as low-fee, pet-friendly and yard-bearing. Plenty stainless steel in the kitchen and plenty closet in the bedroom, but don’t rely on the photos—they’re of a comparable unit. You’ll be flush against Maria Hernandez Park, mere steps from the Jefferson stop.

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You can go ahead and Thank Me Now for telling you about this no-fee Crown Heights apartment for $2,600, which has 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms! You should get along fine as long as one of you is a baby, or doesn’t mind a significantly smaller room. Yeah, one of the three bedrooms in this apartment is technically more office-sized than the others. We see your office space and raise you the possibility of living in much, much worse, so don’t knock this setup ’til you see it. You and the roomies would enjoy laundry-in-building, a large dining space and as many pets as 1,100 square feet can hold. Ample closets, a mere 3-unit property and the Brooklyn Children’s museum within walking distance. Off the Kingston 3 / Kingston-Throop C.

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Hold on, we’re going home. Where’s home? Oh, it’s in this adorable 2-bedroom apartment in Crown Heights for $1,800! Despite these endearing listing photos, looks like the broker flubbed and used the same 3-bedroom copy from the above listing in this one. So you’ll have to go and see it to know what kind of amenities it offers. We’re still gunning for it though, because it’s one of the biggest damn 2-bedrooms we’ve seen in the neighborhood for this price. Off the Kingston 3 / Kingston-Throop C.

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Deep & cheap alert! There may be dreams money can buy, but there are also dreams that a lack of money can still buy. Like this cheapie 4-bedroom apartment in Bed-Stuy for $2,350. For the math-abstinent, that means each of you pays under $600 for your respective rooms. Windows everywhere, newly-insulated walls for dat winter chill, backsplash tiling in the bathroom and a shared yard! Right on Fulton Street, off the Utica A/C.

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We’ll close off with this no-frills 3-bedroom apartment in Greenpoint, because how often do people in Greenpoint move out of their cute-ass apartments and leave anything for the restivus? Box bedrooms with windows in each, a kitchen-living room combo platter, and a bathroom that has a tub! Proximal to McGolrick park, too. It’ll cost you $2,600/month to call this spot home; you can’t exactly Own It, but you can rent it. Off the Nassau G, or a few more minutes to the L at Graham.