1. Enjoy the parade of lunatics that make up Brooklyn Unicycle Day, as they ride their one-wheeled machines across the Brooklyn Bridge and down to Coney Island. Or, hop on your unicycle and join them, we guess (Friday)
2. Wasabassco Burlesque has a sweet 70s van, or at least the burlesque equivalent of it, and they’d like you to take a ride in it (Friday)
3. Cameo is paying tribute to Motown, one of Earth’s better towns, with a whole dance party devoted to it, so be prepared to show you’ve got soul and to cry the tears of a clown if your heart is broken (Friday)
4. We’ve got a heaping helping of Labor Day weekend events too, don’t forget! (Friday – Monday)
5. Brooklyn Tap House is hosting the last of their summer cookouts that are also dance parties and also a place to get your nails manicured (Saturday)
6. Throwing Shade, declared the top LGBT podcast in America by people who know those kinds of things, is coming to the Bell House to do a live recording, so bring plenty of shades to throw (Saturday)
7. Point Break: Live! brings you all the homoerotic tension of Point Break, but does it as a stage show. Plus, one of you lucky ducks gets to play Keanu Reeves’ Johnny Utah (Saturday)
8. Chip-tunes nerds: you’ve got one last summer moment to make out with someone while dancing to a remix of the Mega Man theme at Pulsewave (Saturday)
9. Regular dance music nerds: You’ve got one last chance to rub against each other at The Rub this summer. That’s what the party is about, right? (Saturday)
10. You’ve got two chances to see summer movies you may have missed. You can see The Goonies at Habana Outpost, without even having to do the Truffle Shuffle (Sunday)
11. Or check out that rascal Rodney Dangerfield raising Hell on a golf course in Caddyshack, at Canal Bar (Sunday)
12. Line up at Eastern Parkway for the West Indian Day Parade and catch the pageantry, the colors and the moment when a parade-marcher grinds on a cop (Monday)
13. Break the news to your kids that yes, they have to go back to school this fall at Habana Outpost’s school supply giveaway and party (Monday)
14. Listen to professional storytellers tell stories at the Moth and then roll your eyes and brag to your date that you could do that if you wanted. Just don’t let them hear you, lest they call you up and you embarrass yourself (Monday)