Tugboats

A singe skateboard

Hand-cranked dirigibles (because hipsters amiright)

Hovercrafts

Unicycle rickshaws (because hipsters amiright)

Zipline across the East River

Josh Gondola-man

Bus bridge (note: this is a Real Idea)

Make a new bridge out of people who don’t understand that the L train serves families and long-time residents who live as far out as Canarsie not to mention ex Manhattanites living in new condos

Of course, there is only one actual solution: rig a train up as a Back to the Future 3 style time machine and go back 30 years to invest in our city’s infrastructure before it’s too late.

Someone must stop Robert “Biff” Moses.